一句話
"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears"
如果眼裏沒有淚，靈魂就看不見彩虹了...
---John Vance Cheney
Joyce
- A male-fish swimming on Mars in my last life, then down to Earth 30 years ago, in Mainland, China. Now I am a interior designer helping places stand out from the ordinary...also running a little concept bar in soho, hong kong, called "joyce is not here". Why? because I send my spirit flying around to get more inspirations...love, friends, music, art, travel...so many things keep me here, and mom is always the one who supports me. Not sure when god will send me back to where I am from, but the memory of this world, is a great one! (www.joycebakerdesign.com)
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July 2009
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July 12, 2009
July 10, 2009
A typical day in my life
On the escalator after returning to Central I couldn't help but call my good friend:
" baby, I just want to tell you that I love you, and the whole world, but I am god damn tired!!!"
This morning, got up earlier to
Grande Bouffe> Picked up the movie at HMV...reviewed all Micheal Jackson's DVDs...Love his smile...Starting to have no fear of death, because many good people, they are in the heaven waiting for me...SO bought another of MJ's DVD...Then, MOM...as a daughter I also need to take care of her everyday...called her to pretend I was extremely hungry (actually I was cuz I only had cookies) then convinced her to have dinner with me...
July 08, 2009
that is the celebration of Michael Jackson
思潮起伏，人生漫漫...感受著Michael Jackson的最後一夜，淚盈袖...
I never let you apart...
I never let you apart...
我今晚獨處，生命無常，是什麽，會鼓起我的風帆？
"you gonna to be the best, for what you are!!!"
這是否太殘酷，他的靈柩就在會場的正中？
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4OVCXUuAGU&feature=related
Heal The World"
There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow
There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...
Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living
Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...
Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow
We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares
We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...
Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
June 27, 2009
June 24, 2009
決定-decision
Nixon once said:
" the most difficult thing , is not about the decision, it is about the procedure you must go through to make this decision..."
Tonight, on the 23rd of June, 2009, and the early morning on 24th, a very ordinary night...finally I cried...
A strong girl like me, I am finally crying...
I played my favorite Mexican Music...there are 5 customers from Brazil in my bar...one of them is a birthday boy...they ordered a champagne...I am accompanying them and they are accompanying me...I don't know any of them but I have ordered a half dozen shots of Tequila...with Lemon, following their Brazilian way , bottoms up the tequila, my golden Tequila...
The most diffcult thing, was how we made the decision...
I have never thought that I will make such a decision, on this kind of night....in these kind of strange circumstances...
This, is about my dream, my growth, my days...my love, my friendship and my memory...
This procedure, has bothered me for years...but on this kind of night, it became true in my eyes filled with tears surrounded by all these strangers' conversations...
Yes, I am crying...our life, is just like a short game...the Game starts quickly...then the game is finished...the Game is beautiful but it never leaves any marks in this world...we are existing here, like the wind...there is no form and no taste of us at all...we will drift from here to there...there is no Mexican upbeat music...and there is no golden Tequila...there is no promise...we come and we go away...
But we have never left any footprints...
The decision, is made at this moment...
My moment, my limited happiness; my beauty, my short melody, Let me start it, and will let me finish it...
The most difficult thing, is the procedure that we go through to make this decision...
尼克松說過：
“艱難的不是決定，而是決定的過程“
今晚，2009年6月23日夜晚，24日淩晨，一個很平常的日子，我哭了。
堅強如我，終于哭了。
我特地的播放著我最喜歡的墨西哥音樂，酒吧裏有5個來自巴西的客人，其中一個生日，點了一枝香檳...我陪著他們，他們陪著我...我不認識他們，但我要了6個tequila, 就著檸檬，按照巴西的飲法，我同他們喝了，我們的金色的tequila...
艱難的不是決定，而是決定的過程。
我從沒有想過，會在這樣一個夜晚，會在一群陌生的人群中，以這樣的方式，去做一個決定。
這個決定，有關我的夢，我的成長，我的歲月...我的愛，我的友情，我的回憶...
這過程，騷動我逾年，卻在這樣的一個夜晚，不知任何緣由的在我脆弱的眼淚中形成...
是的，我哭了，人生，是短暫的一場遊戲，遊戲會開始，然後結束，美麗的不留一點痕跡，我們如風，沒有形態，味道，我們會漂來，漂走...沒有墨西哥的打擊樂，沒有金裝的龍舌蘭酒，沒有任何的許諾，我們來了，然後走了...
我們不留痕跡......
決定，就在這一刻，形成了。
我的決定，我的擁有時間限制的歡樂，我的美麗，我的從不屬於永恒的曲，讓我開始她，然後結束她...
艱難的是，決定的過程。
May 21, 2009
《中環天橋》
不是太多次被街頭賣藝人的伎倆觸動，常覺得那只不過是一種假象。
記得多年前在歐洲，會被地鐵深處傳來的琴聲而莫名感動得流眼淚---那是在異鄉，異地的一種遊子情懷…
下午正好經過中環天橋，幾個人圍著一個殘廢的寫書法的賣藝人，已經走過去了，卻不知怎的又繞回來。
看住他把宣紙整齊的折好成均勻的八個字塊，再攤開，端端正正的擺在眼前，之後蹲在紙上，用兩隻殘缺的上臂夾住毛筆，開始寫：
“不-以-物-喜，不-以-己-悲”
只覺得鼻子酸酸的，想忍住的一股熱浪幾乎沒忍住。
這早年媽媽常教我的話，似乎已經很久沒有人提起了。媽媽也許以爲我早已經明白箇中道理，而又有多少其他人明白它的含義，不只明白，還會遵循與尊重。
而在這樣一個昏不昏，黃不黃的悶熱五月的午後，在我些許對未來迷茫的時分，竟如天意般，由一個街頭的賣藝人告訴我這樣真切的人生哲理。
“不要因爲外界與身外的得著而滿足驕傲；不要因爲自身的困境或挫折而喪失信心去改變本來的自我”
我愣在那兒… 站在我身邊的，是一個穿西裝的頭髮白白戴眼鏡的男人，他拿出100元，對著賣藝人嘟囔了幾句，便走了。不知爲何，我一直忘著那人的背影，在他消失在天橋尾時，我分明看到他擦了一下眼淚…
那也是一個孤單的身影啊…那也是一個在塵世中尋尋覓覓的靈魂啊…
我也轉身離去，心裏想著那矮小的賣藝人，想著那句久遠不曾記起的話，想著那遠去的穿西裝的男人看不見的淚水…我的腳步，每一步也踏在堅實的大地上，中環的天空，陰陰沉沉的，我的天空，卻似被打開了一角，也許，我不應屬於大地，我應飛向藍天？
May 02, 2009
no... tomorrow...沒有...明天...
I raise my hands
Try to hold your steps up in the air
Before sunrise
To remember the moments when we were together
I try to fill up my glass
Sink myself into fiction
And let your impression become mist
Your voice becoming inanition
Tomorrow, there is no tomorrow
I try to forget you,
before I remember you
And destroy myself
Abnegate
Free my thoughts into the night
I am not that strong, so I left
But the pizzazz,
wild as a martlet
Far away, there is a wind, a rain
Singing
Doves rest for a while
Tomorrow, there is no tomorrow
But we have the memory in May
This romantic scenery...
我會伸出手
在空氣裏觸摸你的步履
在黎明到來之前
我記住屬於過我們的那一點點過去
我嘗試著把酒杯再次倒滿
讓我徹底的醉在虛構的情景片斷
讓你的影子在我的眼前，盡可能的迷蒙
讓你的話語，在我心中，盡可能的空洞
明天 我們沒有明天
在記住你前，盡可能的忘記你
並摧毀自己
把感情放棄
任思念放逐在夜裏
不是這般堅強 所以選擇離去
但是瀟灑 自在的無挂無依
遠處有風聲 有雨鳴
田野上鴿子的暫停
明天 我們沒有明天
但是有五月溫暖的感覺
有魂牽夢繞的一道風景
May 01, 2009
《我也喜歡你…》
我也喜歡你
在那些無聲的午後
窗外是又高了幾許的枝荊
襯著不遠處那些殘舊的墻
有鳥聲，在這石與鋼筋的森林裏
我會想起你
我也喜歡你
那些擦肩而過的溫暖氣息
有附有和的狡狤語句
謙卑的外表下一顆高傲的心
衆人的掌聲下低調的一抹淺笑
我就會想起你
我也喜歡你
但我們沒有過去
也沒有主題
我們沒有風的自在
卻擁有海的慷慨
我們沒有華表的裝扮
卻添落日的澎湃
在那些虛無的蒼白裏
不知所從的人們尋覓
有一天消失了
在空氣裏了無痕跡
而我 懷著想念你的一點點思緒
上路了
遠行
把跳動的音符守護在安靜的心裏
……
我也喜歡你
April 16, 2009
So long, dream castle...惜別夢幻城堡...
I was supposed to write an article about, the Palace of the Lost City, in South Africa. But just after doing all the research and preparation, I was away in Macau this past week for both a business and leisure trip.
As usual I went to Henry’s, to have my lunch. The Africa Chicken is still great but the grilled ribs were a bit rough this time. After Lunch I planned to walk to my favorite hotel, the Sao Tiago Hotel to have an afternoon coffee.
Everything seems the same as before…the plants climbed the outside wall of the hotel and it looked a bit new…Sao Tiago, the old friend that I visited every year; with that old room where I finished the editing of my first book; that old fellow from the housekeeping dept; also that tiny swimming pool I used to swim in a lot…I haven’t seen you for two years, is everything all right?
After I entered the hotel and climbed all those steps, all my sadness and surprise from what I found there, within an hour, made me change my writing plan completely.
So, now I am writing this article, to say goodbye, to Sao Tiago, to my dream castle…
Macau Sao Tiago Hotel was built from the remains of the 1st castle in Macau, originally constructed 371 years ago. It was a Portuguese style building with a southern Europe romantic feel. The hotel was established in 1982 with 24 hotel rooms. It had the traditional cream walls with reddish tiles and a waterfall tunnel. You could see the Portuguese arches everywhere and it had the typical European style features. The hotel looked very elegant but was simply traditional.
When I last visited this familiar place, the old tiles in the hallways looks a bit shabby, but you could feel that time was passing from all those cracks in the floor. Also the floor inside the rooms was also old and even a bit slippery, but the rooms were filled with “the shine of classic style”, from the old style beds and Baroque wood curved furniture, to the blue and pink combination tiles in the bathroom.
The design of restaurant was also simple and pure. It had early oriental style leather chairs and blue patterned Portuguese tablecloths, to match the black and white photos on the beige walls…all of these things brought a feeling of “classic”.
Those thoughts of respect to the valuable memories and the three hundred years of European art, were all gone since my last visit, two years ago…
I had heard that the designer of the New Sao Tiago was the one who designed Burj Al-Arab Hotel in Dubai. Thank god I hadn’t visited the Burj Al-Arab Hotel during my busy working days in Dubai.
If I used one word to describe the new “Sao Tiago” hotel, it would be
“Luxury”.
They have added LED lighting features to the old style steps at the entrance; The bar area is packed with fancy leather made chairs and crystal stripes; everywhere there is glass with frosted patterns on it; The floor looks like the new opera house in Beijing, combining different types of marbles that reflect all the lighting from ceiling. But it also reflects the patterns from glass ceiling and the patterns from the window frames, mixed with natural light from outside, it made me dizzy; Black marble without any pattern is used as the hallway flooring, it is shiny and slippery without any solid feel. In the small reception area, all different shapes, lengths and materials were used to highlight everything, making you really doubt what the original design concept of this hotel was.
The area in front of public toilet is all white, so it makes the small Portuguese blue tiles look lonely on the wall. The public toilet is even worse, the walls and floor are made of normal black plain marble, and are mixed with normal basins and counter tops, but then they used a high tech toilet flushing system. The toilet accessories are also very ordinary, making you doubt: “am I in the Sao Tiago?”
The hotel rooms want to emphasize one theme also: Luxury! So they used leather frames combined with a plain door. The doorbell, door handle, room number etc. are all regular stuff that you could easily find in the market. Seems someone forgot to pay much attention to this kind of detail in the design, when trying to match the whole theme.
The new rooms are double the size of the old ones, so in total there are only 12 suites. I don’t want to comment on if it was a smart idea to combine all the rooms together from a marketing perspective, only the design of the new rooms surprises me: I saw the same regular wardrobe units and materials that I have seen elsewhere in other hotels, and while visiting the show room suite; I saw ordinary lamps from the market and those weird pink bedding sheets. The leather floor still has that new smell. They have two very expensive TVs from Denmark but with a plain, no-design background behind them. The most expensive shower system you can buy is found in the bathroom, but the design is as plain as the public toilet. Even with an invisible TV in the shower area, and a Hermes shower set, I couldn’t relate the whole thing to having “good taste” at all. The artwork on the walls and the weird proportioned rugs didn’t even surprise me a lot.
The hallway outside of the hotel rooms used the same black marble floor. They added a false rock feature in the hallway with something that looks like fiber optic or LED lighting; it made me suddenly recall the simulated war table in the movie <red cliff>. Especially with shiny surfaces everywhere that reflect all the lighting, coming from all different angles.
Last and the most important part of a good hotel design, is the detail design: such as the tissue box in the room and the sockets; such as the ashtrays and promotion menu in the bar, shelves that display the liquor bottles, even the production of the sign with the bars name, couldn’t satisfied me.
I was rambling all over the hotel, wishing that I could find something of the old days of this special hotel. The people are the same but everything has changed now. It had a painful feeling piercing my heart.
I was wondered about the designer of the new hotel, was he the same as me, had he even pilgrim aged to this hotel a few times every year. Did he ever think to keep, and to reconsolidate the old things, mixing them with all the contemporary elements to make something that could last an eternity?
After all, this is not Dubai. This is not brand new architecture on an artificial island, not a beacon of wealth and hi-technology.
The pure personality of Macau and the depth of the south European style should have determined the primary hotel design concept. Then all the related styles, materials, units & combinations must follow this concept, no matter what, the exterior wall, the public area, the hotel rooms, or the entertaining features, each detail and each part must follow this primary concept.
So I am wondering, as a hotel designer, what is our duty? Do we have a responsibility to help our client to analyze all the needed knowledge in terms of history, regional culture, art, etc., even in the marketing field? Do we have the responsibility to help our client set up the correct marketing target before we start the design mission?
As a modern boutique hotel, to be honest, Sao Tiago is a good choice. But on that peaceful corner in the western part of Macau, behind all the swinging shadows of the old trees, the Macau Sao Tiago hotel is tarnishing her beauty; it’s beauty was from all the cheerful memories and unforgettable days…
Walking out from the hotel, I turned my head back many times. I don’t know if I will still come to taste that cup of bitter but rich espresso. But I do hope if I do come back again, I can find some of those old feelings…at this moment, I am listening to the songs of Sofia Ribeiro:
Some things in this world shouldn’t disappear.
Written in my studio on April 16th 2009
本來是預備寫另一所城堡的-----南非近約翰内斯堡的迷城皇宮酒店，案頭資料就緒，提筆之前到澳門為公為私小游片刻。
照例的去那間熟悉的亨利餐廳，非洲辣雞還是水準之上，但牛肋骨就差了些火候，然後固執的步行到澳門我唯一喜歡的酒店---聖地亞哥古堡酒店，去嘆一杯咖啡。路上的景色別來無恙，酒店外的爬墻籐似乎新了一些。聖地亞哥，這間我每年探訪的老朋友，那個我完成了第一本書稿編輯的老房子，住房部極度斯文而熱心 腸的老服務員，還有那小巧的泳池……兩年不見，還好吧？
在進入酒店爬上幾級臺階之後的一個小時，我所受到的驚嚇，打擊與悲嘆，使我推翻了我原有的全部寫作計劃，籍此文，來惜別聖地亞哥，惜別我永遠的夢幻城堡。
澳門聖地牙哥古堡酒店，是由371年前澳門的第一座古堡改造的葡萄牙傳統建築樣式的酒店。是一家有著歐陸浪漫氣氛的堡壘式酒店。酒店于1982年開業，曾有24間客房，白牆紅瓦，水聲淙淙的隧道石階，四處可見的葡式拱門，小徑回廊，古樸優雅。
走廊的紅塼糙舊，但滄桑的紋路能感受到歲月的洗磨。房間的地面已經磨得很光滑了，舊式的木床頭，巴洛克風格的木雕花搖椅，洗手間藍紅相襯的墻式組合等，皆充滿了古典主義的韻致。餐廳的設計很簡樸，有些舊上海味道的深棕色皮椅，配著簡潔的葡式台布，及墻上一幅幅黑白相片，無不體驗著“經典”二字。
這些珍貴的充滿對悠悠歲月的留戀與對三百年前歐洲古典文化藝術之尊重的精彩回憶，都在兩年前完結了。
據説現在的聖地牙哥是由杜拜的7星級帆船酒店設計師包辦的，好在我百忙之中在杜拜偏偏沒有參觀Burj Al-Arab Hotel，看來我當地的朋友著實有眼光。
現在的聖地牙哥酒店，綜合一句，就是“奢華”。
原來的舊臺階加上了LED燈具；酒吧區變成了浮華的皮椅與水晶的天下，到處是玻璃及玻璃上眼花繚亂的磨砂花；地面似乎頗有些北京中國大劇院的影子，用不同的云石反射著燈光構成圖案，再對襯著天花相應的玻璃圖案及窗框的綫條再加上戶外的自然光揉在一起，可真亂。走廊大部分用細黑痲云石，又亮又滑，沒有質感；酒店的reception 僅小小的空間，用不同的長短高低形狀與質地去撞，令人懷疑設計的最初理念。
通向公共洗手間的空間是一味的白，更顯得那塊葡萄牙藍塼之孤單。而公共洗手間可以用“慘不忍睹”來形容：普通的云石地面及墻面，平庸的洗手台與洗手盆，再加上不倫不類的繁複的沖厠系統，及一些酒樓也使用的配件，使你完全想象不出：這竟然是聖地牙哥的洗手間！
酒店房間為增添奢華的感覺，用皮門框配沒有任何立體紋路的大門。門鈡，門牌及門把手也是市場上的貨，沒有為配合整體設計而追求的細節的精致。
房間是把本已不小的24間房合併為12間套房。 且不說這種思路是否符合市場學的觀點，僅是房間裏的設計就讓我“大開眼界”：在示範單位常見到的衣櫃組合，配上市場上常見的燈具，還有莫名其妙的粉紅色色系的牀上用品，在真皮地板還泛出的陣陣皮香下，完全顯得格格不入；房間2部來自丹麥單價超過12萬港幣的B&O超大液晶電視在空曠的背景下那麽單薄；即使擁有全國最大的帶蒸汽浴熱帶雨林花灑卻一樣是無驚喜的浴室設計；即使是有日本進口按摩浴缸，浴室鏡中隱藏電視，巴黎愛瑪氏牌沐浴用品等，但整體感覺就是跟不上“品位”二字，卻顯得小小滑稽。而酒店示範房間的地毯及墻上的畫，恕我寡聞，都不覺得是點睛之筆。
房間的走廊一樣是黑云石，突然加上一個假山石的陣，再配上鋼枝上點點LED或是fiber 燈什麽的，讓我想起了電影《赤壁》裏的桌上模擬戰場。而且到處是亮的，反射著各個角度的光，讓人目眩。
而作爲出色設計的重點，如細節：房間内的紙巾盒，當眼処的電位，酒吧的煙灰缸，推廣餐牌，酒瓶的陳列架，即使是酒吧名牌的製作，也是沒有足夠心思可言。
我在酒店上上下下逡巡，希望找回過去的點點滴滴，人猶在，物已非，陣陣的心痛絞著我，我在懷疑新酒店的設計者是否會如我過去一樣的每年來朝拜聖地牙哥一番，會否也是在珍視古典的同時，加以機智的時尚因素，來美化這個大家的心中古堡。
畢竟，這裡不是杜拜，不是一個在人工島上的嶄新建築，不是一個完全基於金錢與高科技的標誌。澳門的古樸歷史與澳門聖地牙哥古堡酒店所經年獨有的南歐幽深特性，就決定了酒店最根本的設計方針。那麽所有的風格，材料，組合都將以這種方針為主，無論是酒店的外墻，一直到公共區域，客房，娛樂場所，一點一滴，一磚一瓦都將符合這個統一的設計方針。
我在想，作爲一個酒店設計師，我們的職責是什麽？我們是否在進行設計前有需要去同客人分析與分享我們對歷史，地域文化，藝術，甚至市場的知識，是否有需要去幫我們的客人做一個正確的市場定位。
以一間時尚的精品酒店而言，澳門聖地牙哥古堡酒店尚算佳選。但在美麗的澳門西灣一角，寧靜的婆娑樹影后，這間曾經美麗的酒店是多麽遺憾的喪失著她那因歲月沉澱而成的風采啊……
走出酒店，我幾乎是步步回頭的望向她。我不知我還會不會再來飲苦郁的咖啡，但我更希望再來時，能找回消失的一些回憶, 而此刻，Sofia Ribeiro的歌聲響起，世界上有些東西，是不應該消失的……
2009年4月16日 寫于我的工作室
April 12, 2009
媽媽寫的...MOM'S WORDS...
人生到處知何似？應似飛鴻踏雪泥：
泥上偶然留指爪，鴻飛那復計東西!
… … ----宋 蘇軾
確實，人生充滿偶然，變化，意料之外……
幼時隨家北上，一直住在北京，我沒有見過大海。
大學時，與同學一起，收集了很多風景明信片。常是坐在窗下，膝頭攤著書本，拿著明信片，神游天外。記得我曾在一篇散文的開篇寫下：朝暮與共的天，就像我朝思暮想的海……
沒曾想，幾十年後，因業務之便，我竟得以隨團踏足五大洲，幾十個國家，上百座城市。
對每個將去的地方，我都充滿好奇，嚮往。但因爲身為公司的老闆，要協助領隊工作，我只能用最簡單，快捷的方式記錄下曾“走馬看花”,“到此一遊”（尤其像好望角，羅卡海峽這些似難再去的地方）。
今天，當面對浩瀚紛繁的照片，充滿遺憾———
當年，沒有條件背負器材，只能靠一只便擕傻瓜；沒有時間守候任何良辰美景，只能趁團員方便時抓緊環顧附近；沒有方便的交通，在我屬意的地點停留，因爲要顧全時間與活動的總體安排。
所以，這裡沒有任何“專業”“技巧”可言。
但是，看照片，想當年，在那些万頭攢動的景點，於事務駁雜中，能發見並留下這點點滴滴之美，對一個攝影愛好者，心已足矣。
Joyce一向會突發奇想，這次適逢母親節，她又提出這一想法。雖然一個月來辛苦莫名，但得以和大家共享，仍是樂事，我只好欣然從命。
謝謝！
齊林
2009-4-12
Life abounds everywhere the bird lights on the snow and the mud by chance transferring the impression of the other until it has forgotten where it began ---Song Dynasty . SuShi Obviously, life is full of surprises, accidental changes… I moved to the north of China with family when I was a child, and I had lived in Beijing for long time. That’s why I hadn’t yet seen the sea at that age. When I was in university, we usually collected postcards of landscapes & scenery. I always sat beside the window with a book on my knee, held those nice postcards and let my mind drift, imagining those far off places. I do remember, I wrote the following sentence to start one of my essays: “I thought the sky a view each day, resembled the sea that I dreamed about each night” I had never imagined that I might have the chance to travel across 5 continents, to more than 50 countries and over hundreds cities, during the course of my business life. I was wondered to all these places, but as the boss of the company, I was responsible for helping our tour leaders’ look after the clients. I only got a chance to take the occasional quick photo, to preserve those moments and help me to remember that “I was here”-----also I am not sure if I can ever visit those places again especially “to the end of the beginning of the sea” such as “Cape of Good Hope” in South Africa and “Cape Loka” in Portugal… Now, as I sit in front of all these old photos with fading memories, a deep regret rises in my heart----- At that time, I couldn’t carry all the heavy professional equipment. The only thing I had was a cheap automatic camera, I didn’t have time to wait until the sun was rising or the moon was sinking. I only could take a quick shoot when my clients wondered away; we even didn’t have the convenience of transportation that allowed us to stop wherever I liked, because we had a limited amount of time and many business activities to complete. So, from all those photos, I can see I had no “skill” at that time, to preserve those moments well. But I loved to shoot photos, and I found all those beautiful places during my busy business trips. I captured them and kept them as a good memory. I feel fulfilled enough. My daughter Joyce always does everything suddenly, without any notice. This time she suggested that we have this small exhibition especially for “mother’s day”. It has kept me busy and tired for over a month, but I am quite happy if I can use this chance to share my little interests with all the friends who love traveling and love the nice landscapes of this beautiful world where we all live in… Thank You! Chai, Lam Ellen 2009-4-12
青.藍---我們的攝影展GREEN & BLUE –Our photography exhibition
Mom had a Zeiss camera; it accompanied us on many poor but happy days when I was a child. We had our own darkroom at home. We played with all the photo developing chemical liquids, under that red light, and then used a wooden clip to hold each wet photo paper. It was my greatest enjoyment at that age…
Then I grew up, and started to travel all over the world. The only thing I always carried on my shoulder---was my camera.
Sometimes it was the simplest type of camera, other times it had long lenses. Sometimes I even carried an expensive Leica, but most the time it was just the normal Japanese kind. I had very limited technique and couldn’t even use the light very well. But the world was in my lenses, and it was dramatic.
So we are starting to plan this wonderful exhibition for next May, at a little gallery owned by Alex, an exhibition with my mom.
Mom love of photography, started from her youth and she has even gone back to school to learn more about it recently. I love photography also, because of mom.
Years’ of interest, so even a plain wall, has become more interesting and lively threw the lens of our camera. Many times I take a photo, and she takes the same one and then we put them together to compare: angel, color, reflection, focal point everything---that is our lasting time together.
The exhibition’s name is <green & blue> because mom is blue and I am green (an old Chinese saying, “ green comes from blue but is nicer than blue”. I am not sure about the English name and the description, because it will be a visual dairy, more words will be unnecessary. It will be a story of the brightness & the darkness, the struggle of the partial and entire.
We chose to have it in May; because I love May---the season between cold and warm. Flowers are still hiding and the grass is still young…a bit of chilly air surrounds us, but the warmth of hope is coming…
Yes, we need hopes, and dreams. And we are not only thinking about them, we are making them come true. Dreams are not far from us, maybe just located by a lakeshore, with the spring flowers blooming slowly and fog melting into the earlier morning…A heaven of dreams is there…
In the Year 2009, many things will need to be done and many dreams will need to be made… the definition of life, is just becoming more meaningful then ever…
媽媽有一部zeiss的相機，小時候陪伴了多少貧窮但快樂的歲月，家裏自製了暗房。顯影劑，定影劑的比例，紅紅的燈光，用木夾子夾好的一排排剛剛沖洗的相片，是我童年及青少年歲月的主要節目。 長大了，周遊四方，足跡天涯。永遠斜背在肩的，就是一部相機。有時是傻瓜，有時又帶著長鏡，有時是貴些的leica,有時祗是普通的日本貨色，技術有限，燈光甚至不夠精確，但鏡頭裏的世界，永遠的五色繽紛，永遠的高潮叠宕。 於是，便有了這個美妙的計劃，明年五月，在ALEX的小美術館，辦一個同媽媽的攝影展。 媽媽愛攝影，緣自她年輕的時代，近幾年還特地到大學修讀攝影。我愛攝影，緣自媽媽的影響。耳濡目染，一幅普通的圍牆，也在我們兩母女的焦距下，變得色彩斑斕，生命無限。常常是我拍一張，她拍一張，拿出來比較，取景，角度，色彩，重點...都比試一番，那是我們最開心的日子。 攝影展便叫《青。藍〉，媽媽是藍，我是青，英文還沒起好，管它呢，映像不需要語言與文字，那是視覺的日記，是明暗的訴説，是局部與整體的較量。 選在五月，愛那個時節，乍暖還寒的日子，花也沒有開，草也沒有綠，空氣中還帶著幾分寒氣，但希望的暖意已經走近。 我想，人是需要有希望與夢想的，而且，不能祗去憑空想象，而是去逐漸實現。夢想並不遙遠，在幾步之遙的湖邊，花正在慢慢的開放，早晨的霧散去，迎來了一個夢想的天堂。 2009年，有許多要做的事，與夢想，許多的意義...生命，便在豐盛的日子裏，絢爛的綻放。
February 10, 2009
雷-thunder
shaking
colors change and rhythm switches
shocking power
achieves beauty
a thunderous feeling
piercing space
pulsating
horns blowing
followed by
soothing rain
a fancy rainbow
an nonexistent
unlimited assault, then
the mystery of mildness
follows the thunder
showing incredible musical sense
and the thunder
rumbling here is lost here
moments of relaxation
symphony of sound & vision
the eternal topic
震動
色彩的變幻與節奏的交錯
撼的動力
反而成就了另一種美感
雷的感覺
在於它劃破的空間
在於它一往直前的勇氣
在於它充滿雄性的號角
而之後
雨的細膩 彩虹的絢麗
帶給虛無
與無限的衝擊
可怕的溫柔魅力
在雷的步履後
展現驚人的旋律
而雷
徜徉於此 盪於此
無限愜意
聲 色的交響
一個勝無聲的主題
one of the best shows in the world
I am sorry, I just can't help it!
Tonight, was one of the best nights in my life...because I have seen one of the best shows in the world < The Peony Pavilion > ---牡丹亭， By the National Ballet of China.
---Director: Li, Liu Yi
---Composer, Music arrangement: Guo, Wen Jing
---Stage Designer / Lighting Designer: Michael Simon ( German)
---Costume Designer: Emi Wada ( Japanese)
---Choreographer: Fei Bo
Shocked!!!
Totally Shocked!!!!
First class world designers working with a world -class director, a superior combination to made such a "superior" Ballet show:
---it was a show of modern dance;
---it was a show of abstract music;
---it was a show of minimalist stage components;
---it was a show of color impact;
---it was a show of lighting revolution;
---it was a show of a dramatic story;
---it was a show with:
"Superior" Visual and Audio performance!!!!
Happiness, has been packed into my heart, ever since I finished experiencing this show...the satisfaction, has sent me to heaven, ever since I stepped out of the hall...recently only the script of the movie < the curious case of Benjamin Button> has amazed me, but tonight, I am definably in heaven!!!!
To be honest, I am thankful and I am even planning to go back to mainland China one day...that big land contains many many great artists from around the world, and has let them fly in a bigger sky without worrying about their daily struggling...I remember the new opera house I visited last summer, built on the spot my mothers family once lived, I remember the wide grass lands I have ridden horses on...
Yes, we need land...and we need the sky...Like the old lady in the movie who swam across the English Channel, there is many many challenges awaiting us...and there is many many talented people who will lead us to discover this great world:
Knowledge growing as fast as laser light...
Imaginations, are boundless like the universe...
We are here, a part of the global issues, providing our contributions to the world...how many years are left in our life? we will never know, but we need to:
Keep on moving,
into a new world, to the unknown existence!!
Yes I am not drunk at all, I haven't even drank anything, but the passion of creation, has stirred my heart, like waves from the ocean!!!
January 04, 2009
我什麽會哭？ - 第三次看《梅蘭芳〉有感...
最近突然很忙，明早就要公幹，但若不現在就寫下來，我會覺得我會忘記這個世界...
我看了三次《梅蘭芳〉，我還想看。
我哭了三次，我還會哭。
不是因爲劇情，不是因爲任何所謂煽情或感動的環節，而是因爲一份叫“投入“
第一次看，回來寫了“孤單“。
第二次看，回來什麽也寫不了，
第三次看，思潮洶湧，在出租車上又是淚雨滂沱，然後儍儍的坐在這裡，寫：
十三爺的抑揚頓挫，費二爺精彩絕倫，馬三的小人無恥，孫紅雷風雨搖曳中的一個蘋果，于少華難以置信的輝煌初演，黎明斜倒在陳紅懷中痛苦的一醉，章子怡的一句“知道“，福芝芳過火中的一句“有“ （回答梅蘭芳“還有湯嗎？“）...
演員，同你我都一樣的人們，傾心的付出，每一個細節與修飾，每一句話的揣摩，經年的修煉，不肯放棄，讓我淚灑；
音樂，趙季平的節奏，風雪中的處理，風鈴的伴奏，扣人心弦的梵音，仿佛聽到竹的低吟，黑夜的呐喊，藝伶的悲鳴，讓我淚灑；
光，竹影，窗子裏透出的夕光，角兒們臉上的光與影，時而黑白暗淡，時而彩色明亮，時而如黑澤明的樹林，時而如費力尼的遺憾，讓我淚灑；
（未完待續）
January 02, 2009
不要毀了我們心中的那份孤單-今晚看電影《梅蘭芳〉有感...
縂會有些日子，心中會害怕，會很落寞，佇望靜寂的街景，人潮的湧動，會擔心一切都會失去，在黑暗裏，連燭光亦消逝著...
總會有些日子，遠處的人群似離我更遠，繁華很誘人，笑聲如空谷的迴音，杯光酒影中，我一個人，突然閒不知所措...
我叫它是“孤單“。
總會有些日子，我會孤單，會在孤單裏獨自咀嚼那些心靈的滋味。
便，總會有這樣與那樣的聲音，拉住我，去嘗試走出我的孤單，我拉住我的門框，緊緊地，來拒絕整個世界的邀請。
是的，若這是一個不值得的邀請；若這是一個時光虛度的邀請；若這是一段片刻滿足沉醉，而後更虛無的邀請；
那麽，不要也罷。
我的那份孤單，寂寥而美麗；乾淨簡潔似匹柔軟的白色亞痲布，在細膩的紋路中可聞到早晨的野菊花香味；
我的那份孤單，或許縂有小小的一絲遺憾，縂似斷了角的一張古董臺面，隱約中透著木的馨香，與淡淡的生澀；
我的那份孤單，很難有琴與瑟的和弦，很難擁有不經意的維護；
我的那份孤單，無需不適合的伴侶，祉求心靈的知音；無須不協調的樂章，祉要華彩的永恒；無須無定義的浪費，祉要瞬間的璀璨；無須凡塵的俗庸，祉要清世的洪流；
獨自歌，獨自起舞，如蝶般，展翼；沒有聽衆，知己很少，心中是巨大的山谷，卻擁有白雲藍天，無數理想的季節，花開般短暫；我的那份孤單，曲寡，無需尋和，卻成就我，今世往生，獨旅逐夢......
December 31, 2008
2008年的最後一日, the last day of year 2008
如每年的這一天，我獨坐在此，沉湎著一年的流逝與憧憬新一年的驚喜。
2008年，如夢，但真實。
2008年，中國，我的故國，經歷天災；人難，卻舉辦史上最成功的奧運；卻有中國人首次的太空行走；臺灣的夢變得不再遙遠；而中國的三十年，1978到2008的改革三十年，也是我人生重要的三十年，從一無所有到擔起援助世界的重任。
2008年，世界，我遨翔的天空，烏雲密布，年初的次按風波，入秋的雷曼兄弟，金融海嘯，全球裁員，並未隨奧巴馬的當選而有多少起色，國際油價風起雲湧，樓市萬變瞬息，我的天空不再晴朗，彩虹的瞬間難以再現。
2008年，自己，沙灘上的足跡，縂被新鮮的浪所淹沒。但浪過後，是新的運命，新的潮汐。家庭，關愛著每一個人，是我生命的偎依；事業，用心著每一個項目，是我創作的源泉；新的興趣，新的空間，打開我人生多一道門；朋友，愛情，溫暖我每一個獨旅的黃昏...
愛自己，愛這個世界，愛日轉星移，愛潮落潮起...2008年，便在又一個永恒與變幻中消失著，無奈中卻有點患得患失，但日子確實是經久的美麗，因爲活著，便是希望，便成就夢想。
2009年，我，我們，及我們所熱愛的這個世界，一個又一個明天，我們努力，我們燃燒，我們並綻放，我們希翼，我們暢往，爲了無數個未知的期望，理想的天堂...
Just like every other year, I sat here alone...to think about what has passed during the last year and what will happen next year....
The Year of 2008， was like a dream, but it was real too.
In the year 2008, China, my homeland, experienced both natural and human disasters, but we still organized the most successful Olympics ever and we finally had the first Chinese walk in Space...The dream of reunification with Taiwan came closer to being realized...China, for thirty years, from 1978 to 2008, were years of revolution, an important 30 years for me as well, now China has reached a major position and has taken over the duty of helping the whole world.
In the year 2008, the world, the sky that I am flying in...was full of clouds... beginning with the American mortgage crisis, the Leimen Brothers' issues in the fall, then a global crisis, the entire world cutting back people and staff...nothing is getting better yet, even with Obama becoming the president. And the price of oil is fluctuating, the property market is fluctuating...my sky is not bright anymore and there is no rainbow anymore...
In the year 2008, for myself, the footprints on the beach, were always covered by fresh waves. But after that, there is new faith and new lives...Family, I care about everyone and that is my support in life;In my career, I am devoted to doing each of my projects and it is my inspiration for my creations; the new interests and new spaces, I open the door in my way, to show me a wider sky; friendship and love, warm the gloomy moments of this journey I'm on alone...
Loving myself, loving this world...loving all the changes and challenges... The year 2008, is passing away into eternity and uncertainty...we are worried about all the losses and gains but the days are certainly beautiful because we simply exist...because we are here and are making wishes...
In the year 2009,you and I, both of us together, in the world we love, with another day of unlimited tomorrows, we are working hard and we are blooming...we are hoping and dreaming...for all those unknown expectations ahead of us, its our own little piece heaven....
December 18, 2008
遠方
思念
如一張網
裹住我
無法呼吸
你在彼方 雪落的昏黃
我在此地 滿心的殘霜
迎空遙望
無星的夜晚
誰在牽挂，誰在彷徨
Longing
Is like a net
Entrapping me... breathless
Faraway you are... under the shroud of winter’s mist
Here I am heartful... of fallen dew drops
Looking up
Into the starless night sky
Who yearns?
Who wonders?
December 14, 2008
GREEN & BLUE –Our photography exhibition 青.藍---我們的攝影展
Mom had a Zeiss camera; it accompanied us on many poor but happy days when I was a child. We had our own darkroom at home. We played with all the photo developing chemical liquids, under that red light, and then used a wooden clip to hold each wet photo paper. It was my greatest enjoyment at that age…
Then I grew up, and started to travel all over the world. The only thing I always carried on my shoulder---was my camera.
Sometimes it was the simplest type of camera, other times it had long lenses. Sometimes I even carried an expensive Leica, but most the time it was just the normal Japanese kind. I had very limited technique and couldn’t even use the light very well. But the world was in my lenses, and it was dramatic.
So we are starting to plan this wonderful exhibition for next May, at a little gallery owned by Alex, an exhibition with my mom.
Mom love of photography, started from her youth and she has even gone back to school to learn more about it recently. I love photography also, because of mom.
Years’ of interest, so even a plain wall, has become more interesting and lively threw the lens of our camera. Many times I take a photo, and she takes the same one and then we put them together to compare: angel, color, reflection, focal point everything---that is our lasting time together.
The exhibition’s name is <green & blue> because mom is blue and I am green (an old Chinese saying, “ green comes from blue but is nicer than blue”. I am not sure about the English name and the description, because it will be a visual dairy, more words will be unnecessary. It will be a story of the brightness & the darkness, the struggle of the partial and entire.
We chose to have it in May; because I love May---the season between cold and warm. Flowers are still hiding and the grass is still young…a bit of chilly air surrounds us, but the warmth of hope is coming…
Yes, we need hopes, and dreams. And we are not only thinking about them, we are making them come true. Dreams are not far from us, maybe just located by a lakeshore, with the spring flowers blooming slowly and fog melting into the earlier morning…A heaven of dreams is there…
In the Year 2009, many things will need to be done and many dreams will need to be made… the definition of life, is just becoming more meaningful then ever…
媽媽有一部zeiss的相機，小時候陪伴了多少貧窮但快樂的歲月，家裏自製了暗房。顯影劑，定影劑的比例，紅紅的燈光，用木夾子夾好的一排排剛剛沖洗的相片，是我童年及青少年歲月的主要節目。
長大了，周遊四方，足跡天涯。永遠斜背在肩的，就是一部相機。有時是傻瓜，有時又帶著長鏡，有時是貴些的leica,有時祗是普通的日本貨色，技術有限，燈光甚至不夠精確，但鏡頭裏的世界，永遠的五色繽紛，永遠的高潮叠宕。
於是，便有了這個美妙的計劃，明年五月，在ALEX的小美術館，辦一個同媽媽的攝影展。
媽媽愛攝影，緣自她年輕的時代，近幾年還特地到大學修讀攝影。我愛攝影，緣自媽媽的影響。耳濡目染，一幅普通的圍牆，也在我們兩母女的焦距下，變得色彩斑斕，生命無限。常常是我拍一張，她拍一張，拿出來比較，取景，角度，色彩，重點...都比試一番，那是我們最開心的日子。
攝影展便叫《青。藍〉，媽媽是藍，我是青，英文還沒起好，管它呢，映像不需要語言與文字，那是視覺的日記，是明暗的訴説，是局部與整體的較量。
選在五月，愛那個時節，乍暖還寒的日子，花沒有開，草也沒有綠，空氣中還帶著幾分寒氣，但希望的暖意已經走近。
我想，人是需要有希望與夢想的，而且，不能祗去憑空想象，而是去逐漸實現。夢想並不遙遠，在幾步之遙的湖邊，花正在慢慢的開放，早晨的霧散去，迎來了一個夢想的天堂。
2009年，有許多要做的事，與夢想，許多的意義...生命，便在豐盛的日子裏，絢爛的綻放。
December 11, 2008
sometimes...有時......
有時，往往在進入冬季的時節，思想如羽絨般飛舞．
寒冷的空氣接觸著皮膚的細膩，使體内的溫暖坦然地暴露在並不溫暖的陽光下，我們會覺得，我們想用自己的身體去擁抱整個天地，但天地之大，怎可以如此輕易的倒在你我的懷裏？
便會在冬季，想起某些人，及某些不很清晰的記憶，某些浪漫但不鮮明的吻，某一些不確定的定義．
並不確定的定義，界乎於兩者之間的模棱兩可，也許我們並不急於找尋結果或是誰是誰非的疑慮．
在冬季，一切都開始得很溫暖，冬季很冷，我們擁抱，用彼此改變一個季節的特性，然後，我們走了，變成路人，早晨的幾屢薄霜仍在那，而人，已經走遠了．．．
我們不屬於任何人，任何人也不屬於我們。
sometimes, thoughts flow like waves, during the winter season...
the chilled air gently brushess the smooth skin, exposing the warmth from the body to the not so warm sunshine...then we feel like we want to embrace the whole world with our body, but as big as the universe is, can still easily fall down into our arms?
Then in winter, we sometimes think of someone, or some fussymemory, some sweet kisses or some uncertain definition
Uncertain definition, in between two certain parties, perhaps we don't need to find out the correct answer or the definate result.
Again, in the cold winter, everything starts out warm at the beginning, we cuddle, we are using our physical factors to change the character of a season...then we are gone, we become strangers...the frozen dew is still there, but we are gone...
we don't belong to anyone, and no one ever belongs to us...
December 10, 2008
when eastern meets western
Yesterday afternoon I was helping some people set up their tables when a table hit my weak knee( I have always had right-knee problems from sailboating too much in Thailand, the ocean hitting my knee constantly) ...the way I fell down injured my knee again, then a massage lady there gave me the wrong massage with the wrong oil...
After that my Mom use some Chinese herb to put heat on my knee , and used a medical light to shoot heat and light on my knee...for hours
Rob said wrong thing to do dear, and He used a whole bucket of ice to cool down my hot knee for hours...
My mom said maybe I should keep some Chinese medicine sticker on my knee over night...and I did...
Then this morning my knee was as big as a football!!!
So my mom accompanied me to go see a Western doctor, very famous one....he took 6 X-ray then told me:
1. enter hospital tmr noon, must be HK sanatorium...
2. take an MRI there,
3. 4:30 I will put a drain in your knee, and the tubes will stay in your knee for 2-3 days
4. then after that I will give you an operation, I will make an L shaped insision, about 6 inches long, on your knee, becuase I will need to move some part from somewhere to somewhere, blah blah blah...
5. then your leg will be wrapped in a gypson cast that will stay on for 3 months....
6. then you can be released from the hospital, after maybe staying there for a week...
That was really scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God!!!!
Is there NO other options!!!
But life always has options right?
So we went to a Chinese bone doctor recommended by another very good Chinese doctor...much cheaper, no need for an operation, just massage, wrap with thick Chinese medicine...and I should get a full recovery in about one week, that is if I go to see him everyday....no broken bones, not much liquid inside so no need for an operation...and after performing the prescribed exercises to help strengthen my mucsles....I should be dancing again soon.
Just now, after an almost 24 hours ordeal, I really really understand what they mean by:
When eastern meets western...
But it was funny...and my poor knee has been the lab-tool for everyone...Attached is a photo of my poor knee now...
September 16, 2008
I don't want to talk...
如往年，收到他的信息。
我不是個活在過去的人，總試著忘記。但總是每年，收到他或他們的消息。
昨夜依然，問我記不記得24年前的吻。
“I don't want to talk， cuz it makes me feel sad"
都過去了，美麗與痛苦，都真真正正的過去了，就像我昨晚同Ted 說的，我是快樂的，一直，始終，快快樂樂的一個女孩，從轟天動地由媽媽肚子裏逃出，到我一直的路，艱辛，哪怕多麽崎嶇，我是一直一直快樂著的，'I don't want to talk..."...to talk about all sadness or all diffculties...that is NOT my style...
我從不知自己的運命有多長，我從不知那會是一種什麽樣的方式，去結束我的生命，但honey,我會是一直快樂著的，請你不要問我記不記得那些回憶，那些再也囘不來的日子，他們在我的心底，洗也洗不掉，但他們不用縂翻騰上來...因爲我還沒有完成我的使命，我還沒有去做過戰地記者，去在砲火下記載一段人生，我還沒有在貧瘠的山村小學，去凝望孩子們無邪的眼，我還沒有去到撒哈拉，去找尋消失的火焰...
我不可以，也不能，沉浸在過去，在那些無憂無慮的花前月下，初吻或是初戀的年輕的陰影下...
我的運命，屬於將來，不是為什麽具體的形式，而是具體的意義！
I don't want to talk, cuz it makes me sad...
Honey, Pls don't make me sad!!! 記住，我是一個快樂的女孩，儘管已經是太多的眼淚，但那些淚水洗刷我的面頰，咸的但豐富, 如我的一生。
Honey, I miss you...all of you...But my life is not belong to you anymore....it is for the whole world and my mom...
助我，別用這些兒女情長捆綁住我，我的運命，屬於世界，屬於藍天，海，岸，石頭，風，雲，和我此刻臉上的淚水...
I don't want to talk, cuz it makes me ONLY sad...
June 29, 2008
我要的一生The Life I want
First, I bought lots of insurance. Then I won’t bring anyone trouble even if I can’t die well.
So now, I need to eat & drink well.
I am never lazy when I need to cook; there are always 4 dishes and a soup even if I’m cooking at home alone. I don’t eat artificial foods, like diet coke or skim milk, etc.
I like rich cheese and black chocolate. I like goose liver and truffles. I never drink fruity beer, I prefer Guinness & woody wine.
I like to listen and watch well. I don’t have many CDs or DVDs, but they are all originals, because I want a complete song when the movie finishes.
I want my own space and time. Sorry, I don’t always like to be with other people or live with people. I don’t even want to listen to another person’s breath when I am alone.
I need to walk far.
I need to walk through an elegant cemetery with all the leaves falling around me, walk alone along a lakeshore covered in early morning sunshine, walk in an organic museum bathed in natural light. These roads wind through many countries and are filled with many curves, many turns, many stories and many people within the stories…
Certainly, I want to have thoughts & Music.
Thoughts bring me depth, and music gives me a melody.
Money, I’d like too, of course. But I can’t lose myself because of money or change myself to be money’s slave, and I can’t get up too early just to make money.
I need many men who love me, and remember me…they’ll all remember those wild moments especially the embarrassment of only the two of us facing everyone at a huge dinner, like for 10 people…
Of course I need friends, and I am happy when they contact me when they want help or when they want to share something with me.
I like to be left and right, up and down, loose and tight, to be lively and quiet.
I don’t care about economy class, but I don’t want any kids beside me, please, I am full of love but kids can’t control their volume when I want it to be quiet.
I accept homosexuals, but please don’t let me know what gender they act like. If love can cross gender itself, then you don’t need to let me know whether you act like a boy or girl.
I am ok with politics, but please don’t use it to gain your own benefit!
I am ok with investment, but please learn about what you invest, otherwise just go home to feed your children.
I don’t like it when two Chinese people speak English to each other, even if they can speak English like an Englishman.
I also don’t understand why some people can’t understand my Cantonese, I know that I have bigger tongue, but it is not so big that I can’t even fit it into my mouth!
By the way, I also like men who use money clips, but please don’t use it to clip 50,000 dollars just to show off…there is nothing that expensive if you’re just walking around central market.
Lastly, I love challenges! All kinds of Challenges! If you are brave enough, then come on baby. Let’s go!!!
然後，我要吃好，我從不懶於廚技，家常小菜也是四菜一湯。我也不吃假的食物，我不喝減肥可樂，脫脂牛奶，喜歡濃的芝士，黑的朱古力。愛鵝肝，松茸，也不喜歡果味啤酒，我要黑啤與藏著木澀的紅酒。
我要聼好與看好。我的音樂與電影CD,DVD不算多，但都是原版的，我要完整的一首影片尾曲。
我要自己的時間與空間。
sorry,我不喜歡群處與群居。我要安靜時，甚至聼不到別人的呼吸聲。
我要走很遠很遠的路。是在鋪滿落葉的優雅而孤寂的墓園裏，在翻捲著霞光的河畔的小路上，或是充滿幾何感的透進自然光的博物館中，那是很多個國家裏的很多條路。是很多個峰回路轉，盤蜒九曲，路上滿是故事與故事裏的人。
我更要思想與音樂。
思想賦予我深度，音樂給我旋律。
我要愛我的很多男人，他們都會記住我，記住我們那些一點也不造作的奔放的好時光，或是我們捧著肚子去吃滿漢全席的豪邁。
我當然要朋友，但我不要每天見著他們，只要有讓我幫忙的或是分享的，來通知我，我便會在那兒了。
我要文武全能。我要動靜皆宜。我要張弛有度。
錢嘛，當然也不嫌多，但不要讓我失去自我，不要讓我變成奴隸，不要讓我爲了錢睡不成懶覺。
我不介意經濟艙，但是請不要安排小孩子在我旁邊，我博愛，但小孩子不能給我絕對的安靜。
我不反對同性戀，但拜托不要讓我猜到他們代表的性別，如果是超越了男女的界限，就不要拘泥於膚淺的男扮女裝貨女扮男裝。
我不厭惡政治，但可否不要玩弄它只為給自己添資本。
我不抗拒投資或投機，但若連你的投資或投機工具都不熟悉，拜托還是回家餵奶吧。
我不喜歡中國人與中國人說英語，即使你把英文說的比英國人還地道。我也很不解有人聼不懂我的廣東話，我舌頭大，但還不至於大到塞不進嘴裏。
還有，我喜歡用money clip 的男人，但請不要夾著幾万塊錢招搖過市，在香港逛逛中環街市，還不至於那麽貴。
最後，我喜歡挑戰，各種各樣的，有種的，就來吧！
May 30, 2008
思念---missing you...
the space one misses
can be really small
the time it takes to miss
can be really short
the people we miss
can be really few
There are no restrictions.
There's no need for songs to inspire, no need for alcohol to burn...sometimes we don't need anything.
Even just a moment or a very quiet night, when there are not many people around...I look at my shelves, filled with many beautiful movies I have no time to enjoy..then suddenly I feel that I miss you...I miss all those blurred memories of you and maybe the only thing I can remember, is your eyes...and the power that you exuded...the power that I can feel but that's ignored by others...
So, I have decided that I won't to look for any reasons...sometimes the feeling of "missing", cannot be expressed and isn't realized at all...and of course there aren't any reasons which can explain it...the feeling of missing can be forgotten with the wind...
maybe after many many years, when I listen to a certain melody or when I find another pair of eyes with which to gaze into,
I will remember you, and I will know how much I miss you...
思念的空間
可以是很小
思念的時間
可以是很短
思念的人
可以很少
是沒有預約的，不需要歌聲去引發，亦不需要酒精去燃燒，有時什麽也不需要，即使是在一個瞬間, 在一個很安靜的夜晚，沒有什麽客人，我擡頭望望書架，很多美麗的電影也沒有時間去看，便突然，我很想念你，想念那些很模糊的關於你的印象，也許真正記住的，只是那一個憂鬱的眼神，那一份隱藏的力量---我常常感受到的那一種力量...
於是，我決定不去追究那所有的理由，有些思念，是無法表達與無法實現的，是沒有緣由的，是會隨風淡去並漸漸被遺忘的，只是也許，在許多年以後，當聽到一首歌或望著一種眼神時，我會想起你...
May 27, 2008
mom I promise you...
Mom, I promise you that I won't go this time...
When I was a kid, you taught me that I belonged to the whole world...
When I was 18, you pushed me out of our warm home, to the other side of the world...I cried...I held you tight at Beijing airport..."mom I don't want to leave home..."
"No, you must go!!! You must see this world, not only a small piece of land!!!"
That was July 23, 1989.
I left home...from country to country...city to city....I moved again and again...My foot prints have been all over 40 countries, hundreds of cities and 5 continents...I met people, I wrote travel notes...I said hello and good bye to all the strangers I met on the way...
You didn't stop me when I joined in Tian-An-Men square at June 4th...
You didn't stop me when I came back during the Sars Period to help...
You never stopped me anytime that I gave anything to anyone...but you stopped me this time...
But just now, after a few days, I have finally convinced you, you told me:
"your passport is here...I'm letting you go..."
"Will you worry about me?" I asked
"I don't know.."
"So if I die, who will look after you or could you look after yourself better?"
"I don't know..."
"mom, just because of you, I don't really know what to do..."
"I don't want to be a burden to you..."
I'm sitting here, crying...I don't know what I should do???
I always wanted to be a photographer, a real photographer who shoots all the valuable moments in life...I have a sensitive heart so I always capture meaningful shots...this time, not only for this reason, I feel that I can't help enough if I stay here, do a couple of design jobs or make a couple dollars from people drinking...
I can do something more...
I understand English, I can translate to soldiers how to arrange the resources being sent from all over the world..
I know cooking so I can help to make better food
I love writing so I will write down all I see...
I sing, for darkness to accompany them
I draw portraits, to help those children remember their dead parents
...
There are many many things I can do, besides just using the camera in my hands...more than the things I have done here, like that little donation...
I have power to gather people together...I have passion to warm people with...I have energy to encourage people, I have love to share with them....
Yes, I can do a lot..much more than if I am here...
But, mom, finally, finally I've just diecided I won't go this time...
I promise you that I won't go!!
You are getting old...you just finished having an operation...I understand that you feel pain just like me and I understand you need me...there are enough familys that have lost members, so I can't do that again to you, to our family...
Mom, I promise you that I won't go this time...for you...only for you...
But my heart is over there...
I'll pray for everybody in this world to have a happy face again
I'll pray that nobody will have to suffer more
I'll pray that the sky is always blue and flowers will bloom forever
I'll pray that we all love each other and give each other support
I'll pray that hands will hold hold hands and eyes will reach eyes...
I'll pray for you, all of you...
你的琴聲
在那些昏暗的午後，在那條祗有嘈雜人聲與車聲的古舊的街道，在心與心空洞的回響中，我聽到了你：
小提琴一曲的悠揚，奏的是久遠的一段旋律，是我所熟悉的小夜曲，從此，我的那一天，被你點亮...
被你點亮，心隨音樂而飛翔，天的另一面，夜的吮吸裏，進了陌生人的夢鄉。把山攥成一小堆，把海裝進一小瓶，把海另一邊關於岸的空氣，凝成一小滴，水蒸氣上升，飛到11000哩的空中，再跌近你的世界裏...
你會驚醒，小提琴的旋律，熟悉的在枕畔翻騰，你卻不知，那裏的風會如此順解人意，把我的思戀，融在夢裏...
我就是這樣，等在這裡，望著出神，那一刻，什麽都不存在，獨奏的歌，獨步的舞，在這個孤獨的午後，倦懶的蜷在我的黑咖啡裏, 唇上的些許苦意，盪開，再盪開...
May 19, 2008
我多災多難的祖國---My suffering motherland
我感受著， 深重的罪惡感。
因我在這裡，在吃，在喝，有溫暖的床，有美酒，有親朋，而我親愛的祖國，正在飽受無邊磨難..
我恨我不能，抛低這一切，去那裏幫助親愛的鄉親，我在説服mom, to allow 我明日前行，mom 知道，自小時，我就是這樣的任性，會為理想犧牲，即使是生命。
而今，我多災多難的祖國，在那裏，掙扎，輾轉，我在繁華都市，墮落與作樂...卑利街上，沒有人，同我同痛，同我淚灑，同我揪心於幾千里外的離合悲歡...
我的祖國，我是那麽的愛著你，即使遙遠，但心，從來沒有離開過...因爲我永遠的記住與永遠驕傲：
我是中國人！！！
http://web.wenxuecity.com/BBSView.php?SubID=romance&MsgID=403276
A strong feeling of Guilt, is filling my heart!!!
I am here, eating & drinking, I have a comfy bed with a glass of wine, I have friends & family, but my beloved motherland, she is suffering...
I hate myself because I can't give up everything, and go there to help them!!! I would like to convince my mom, to let me go...Mom knows me, I was such a desperate person, since I was a kid, for dreams & faith, I would like to give everything, include my Life...
Now, my motherland, is struggling; Me, I'm in such a fancy world, entertaining every night! In the bar, none feel pain like me, none cry with me, none worry about what's happening a 1000 miles away...
My motherland, I truly love you! Even I am not on that piece of land, but my heart has never left there!!
Because I always remember & I am proud that:
I am a Chinese!!!
May 14, 2008
窗外-Outside of Window
從病房望出去，是馬場。
有人在清理草地，新鮮的氣息，似乎一直可以傳進屋裏。
我坐在這裡，四周很靜，很累，身心俱疲。
5月14日的下午，媽媽正在養和做著一項小手術，我一個人，被包裹在無邊的空寂裏...
空寂，給思想予空間，然後思索...
我縂在思索著，人生的真正意義，也縂在摸詢，一種正確的人生態度，也許這種怪異的思想，緣自自幼深厚的文化熏陶及家庭悠遠的足跡。
我的外公，齊偉成先生，修讀於日本東京帝國大學，學畢後在上海創辦了《世界周報〉；我的曾祖母，趙乃映女士，創辦了浙江會興女子學院，她亦是著名的書法家，畫家，精通劍術並工于女紅。外婆，瓜爾加氏的後裔，溥儀的家族。而我的母親齊林，畢業於俄儸斯聖彼得堡大學，博書萬卷，周遊列國，我七嵗時，她爲了追求自由而離開了我的生父，從此人生坎坷，但精彩奔放。
對藝術，繪畫，文學，歷史，人文，他們都擁有極高的學識，我雖相差甚遠，但無形中耳濡目染，這種豐厚的家庭環境，竟造就出我成爲這樣一個洋不洋，中不中的另類。
我是從不滿足的，不是金錢上的追逐，而是精神的渴求
我亦是不安分的，也是不易妥協的。
大部分時間，我是快樂的，但又是孤獨的，有時被一種悲天憫人的情緒所感動自己，有時又會努力的追尋生命中哪怕是微小的一點人性的光輝。
就是這些點點滴滴的對於生命的積累與敏感，使我至今仍放棄不了對於中文的寫作，在人生每一種艱辛時日，每一個茫然的午夜，在別人憧憬一些實在時，我在那裏，思忖著古老中國文字的運用，及對蟲鳴花落的感懷。
也許，這對許多人而言，是多餘並微不足道的，但於我，那卻是使生命充滿異彩，而餘韻無窮。
就像此時，夜已在我的鍵盤的滴滴答答聲中，來臨，媽媽就睡在旁邊，又一個晚春初夏的午後，走遠了，而我，又應走向何處呢？
Look out the window of the room in Hospital, at the Jockey Club, in Happy Valley.
Sb was cleaning the grassland; the fresh smell seems to squezze into the room…
I am sitting here, very quiet …I am tired, both phyically and mentally….
On the Afternoon of May.14th, mom is having a small operation here, I am alone at this moment, and I am wrapped in the feeling of loneliness completely…
Alone, I have more time for my brain, and start to think…
I was always thinking, about the real meaning of life…then always looked for, the correct attitude towards the world…Maybe this kind of weird thoughts, have all come from my childhood's rich cultural environment and the history of my family…
My grapa, Mr. Qi, Wei Cheng, graduated from Tokyo University, after which he established the newspaper <Global Weekly> in Shang Hai. My great-grama, Ms. Zhao, Nai Ying, established the first Hui Xing Women College in Zhe Jiang, she was also a famous painter, hand-writer, good at sword skills and embrodering…My grama, a child of the Er-er-jia Family, and relative of the last emperor Pu Yi.
My beloved mother, Qi Lin, who gradated from St. Petersburg University. She has read more than 10 thousands books and her foot prints are all over the world…In order to follow her dreams, she divorced with my dad when I was 7. Her life has been full of difficulties but brilliant.
In terms on Art, Painting, Culture, History and Humanity, my family all have a great reputation. Although I am a thousand degrees away from that level, being in such a artistic environment, I've become such a weird mix, a combination of western and eastern influences….
I've never been satisfied…not in any benefits, I've never stopped looking for more improvement of my spirit.
Also I am not stable, and I don't find it easy to compromise….
Most of time, I am happy but I am lonely…Sometimes I am touched by the sensitivity of the life itself, sometimes I search for the sparkles of beauty & kindness in people…
Because of such experiences and thoughts, I have never stopped writing Chinese …In all those struggling nights, in the loneliness, when all the others are worry about reality, I am here, to think of the best way to work with such beautiful words in this world…to feel the excitement of the world…
Maybe, this is just a minor thing for most people, but that is what makes my life a surprise and creates a beautiful song to me…
Just like this moment, night is falling while the sounds of my keyboard are dancing…Mom is sleeping beside me…another late spring afternoon has gone, but, where should I go?
May 10, 2008
永存的旋律-Return To Forever
我望著他的眼
睛
那不是一雙快樂的目光...感覺，在那個又是迷亂的夜晚，點點滴滴刺痛著我的心...單薄的褲管裏，我想像著那同樣是
單薄的身軀。
但僅僅是身軀，精神，無比的強大。
他強大的，可以化腐朽予神奇
他強大的，可以創造音樂的奇跡
他強大的，将激情在内心燃燒，為旋律。
記得你說，你年紀大了，你還告訴我，你沒有什麽錢。
但我想說，你有旋律，是你最美麗的東西。
就是在這個夜晚，同每一個一樣的夜晚，我常常懷著一種悲觀的情緒，去把我自己身陷於對美妙音樂的癡迷裏，所謂悲觀，因爲我無法肯定明天，明天是否仍擁有音樂，或是明天我是否在音樂中死去。我蒼涼的計劃著我的葬禮，會訂上100箱我拜訪過的Wine domaine in Provence的紅酒，空氣中彌漫著清脆的乾草味道，之後，我躺在那裏，閉上眼睛，靜靜的聽著全部我生命裏所愛的音樂。
也就是在這個夜晚，我看到了你的眼睛，及眼睛裏的悲傷，我還看到了火，我不知那是被靈性所激活的火，還是生命終不肯放棄的，但那分明是火。
不肯放棄，我從沒放棄，我知道你也沒有，儘管我們是那麽的遙遠，我在網上，找不到再多的關於你的敍述，但我分明看到了那一抹執著。也許，這是風格，是唯一可以讓我動容，又與我深深連接在一起的：
風格！
我不知道在香港，還有多少人，在這裡不去賺錢，而來靜靜的欣賞純音樂，我不知還有多少人，會控制不住的隨音樂搖擺。人們會在乎100元包一杯飲料的入場費，會在乎那多出的40元錢，付給我們無價的音樂家。
那天賴之音，來自他們！
那撫平傷口的觸摸，來自他們！
那無論是和諧還是撞擊，來自他們！
那無疆界的梵音，來自他們！
我就想，爲何你不走？去探訪亞馬遜河谷的湍流，去呼吸西西里島的日落，帶著屬於你的7個旋律，還有記憶，一瓶86年的Bordeaux的紅酒，無數佳作由你手指滑落，融在溫濕的初夏的夜氣裏...
於是此刻，我閉上眼睛，開始想著旋律，那世界上屬於你的最美麗的東西...
I looked at his eyes and I saw sadness there.
They were not a pair of happy eyes, the feeling, on that foggy night, deeply pierced my heart…
I looked at those pants, the material was very thin, I imagined that inside would be the same thin:
Body…
But that was only his body…his spirit, is so strong…
He is strong, making miracles happen
He is strong, creating music
He is strong, writing the melody, with passion from his heart…
You told me, that you are getting old…you also told me that you don’t have much money…
But I want to tell you, that you have a melody and that is the most beautiful thing you have…
Then tonight…as with all other similar nights here in Fresco, I am here with a feeling of pessimism and wanting to sink myself into such great music…why pessimistic, because I am not sure that I will be able to listen to them tomorrow, or I might die wallowing in such a lovely melody…
Feeling the melancholy deep within, I am planning my funeral, I will order 100 cases of wine from the winery I visited in Provence…the smell of fresh and dry grass flowing through the garden… I will lie there and close my eyes…it will be a very quiet night and I will enjoy all the music I’ve loved in my life, with no disturbances….
And on that same night, I saw your eyes, and the sadness in your eyes…
I also saw the fire. I am not sure if fire was for inspiration, or the fire means never give up, but there was definitely there…
Never give up!
I’ve never given up and I know that you haven’t. Even if there is a 1000 miles distance between you and me, even if I can’t find enough information about you from the web, I can feel the willful force from that!
Perhaps, I’ll call it “STYLE”, and that will be the only thing can touch me and connect me with you:
Our Styles!
My friend, I don’t really know how many people in Hong Kong will stop making money and come here purely for music. I really don’t know how many people will move their bodies with the beat of the music…
People will care about a HK$ 100 cover charge that comes with one standard drink…People care about that extra HK$40, for our priceless musicians…
But, the sound of heaven, is from them!
The soothing melody to comfort your pain, is from them!
The contrast and the compromise, is from them!
The boundless music, is from them!!!
So I was there thinking…why you don’t leave? Why don’t you visit the fast flows of the Amazon Valley? Why don’t you breath the sunset of the island of Sicily?
Why don’t you leave, carrying your 7 music notes, your memories, a bottle of 86’ Bordeaux…then many amazing works will fall from your fingers, they will melt into the humid night air of this summer…
At this moment, I am closing my eyes, and starting to think about the melody, the most beautiful things that you have in this world!
March 25, 2008
提筆,writing...
many things are happening now
many things are finishing now
I'm in such a confusion, but starting to think seriously...
these few days, Rob is not here. Married to him for a few years, it is the first time I can feel, that he really shared a lot with me. Perhaps, that is the definition of "life partner". Mom will have an small operation, very small one, but I feel the pressure.
Musician Dean complained that why I always write something sad, so I promised him that I am going to write something happy.
But life, is full of sadness...
I've been back to Hong Kong for almost 4 years...
Have done almost 50 interior design projects...and have 2 bars...Many people, even the strangers they have heard of me "are you that JOYCE?"
Which JOYCE?!
I use my special talents to do design, but I have no time to participate in any design compititions.
I use my unique taste to choose movies, but most of them, I have no time to enjoy...
I've met so many brilliant musicians, whether they are successful or struggling now, I really respect their professional skills. I can watch them and listen to them, then forget my exisitence. I believe that I have some connections with music, but I have no time to understand them more...
I want to learn Film making, to learn photography, but I have no time.
I love my mom so much, and my friends, but I have no time to be with them more...
I love traveling, I've only been to 40 countries, so how about the other 80 countries?
I'm getting a bit fat...a couple of wrinkles appeared on my face...but I have no time to go to the GYM or solve such problems that years bring to me...
Yes, I don't have time, But I've never complained really...Last Sat., I was there doing my design drawing, while Dan, Mike & Mia performed...I drew, then stopped for a while to enjoy their gig...I felt that I was in heaven...Doing the things I like, and listening to the best music in the world, I really feel that I have nothing to complain about...
My days, in the last 3 years, have been on Peel Street. In my 650 sqft "joyce Is Not Here", then expanded to the opposite side of the street, "fresco". In between there is Peel Street, up to Caine Rd. and down to Queens Rd. Central.
My days, were in the happiness and sadness of my favorite customers, and friends...They married, they divorced..they had babies, or boyfriends...they broke up..they were sick sometimes...they went on vacation...They came by themselves, or with lovers, ex-lovers...on their first date...or they came with a whole group...They came to get drunk or they came to celebrate their birthdays..they came to read poems, jam, or watch movies...
While I am writing, I have tears falling down my face...so many nice & warm nights, I am here, with you...and sharing with you...
My days, were like this...and I have never complained...
But, life is full of sadness...
許多的事情也在發生
許多的事情也正在完結
我處於一種煩亂中，開始認真的思索。
這幾天，rob不在身邊。結婚幾年，第一次體會原來他真的分擔了很多，也許，這就是伴侶的意義吧。媽媽將快做手術，小小一莊，但我已感到壓力。
音樂家dean投訴我爲何總是寫傷感的話題，我答應他下周一寫份開心的。
但人生，原來是充滿了感傷。
囘港快四年了。
完成了有快50個室内設計的projects了吧。還有兩閒酒吧。很多同行，即陌生人知道我。會說“這就是那個joyce?!"
這就是哪個joyce?
我在靠我的絕佳天分，去做設計，但我沒有時間去參加任何比賽。
我在靠我的小小特別的品位，去挑選電影，但大多數我的珍藏，我卻沒有欣賞過。
我遇到了那麽多美好的優秀的音樂家，無論他們是成功的，還是暫時掙扎的，但我無比尊重他們的專長，我可以望著他們，聼著他們，而忘記的自己的存在，我想，我同音樂是相通的，但是我沒有時間去體會他們。
我想去學導演，去學攝影，我沒有時間。
我那麽愛我的媽媽，我的朋友，但我沒有時間伴隨他們。
我愛旅遊，我才走過40個國家，另外的80個呢？我沒有時間。
我胖了一些，臉上多了兩條皺紋，我沒有時間去健身，去理會這些歲月的痕跡。
我沒有時間。但我沒有抱怨，我從來也沒有真的去抱怨什麽。上星期六，Dan, Mike & Mia 在那兒唱歌，我在那兒畫我室内設計的圖，畫一會，望望他們，再聼一會，那一刻，我覺得自己在天堂。做著自己喜歡的事，聼著世界上最動聽的歌，我真的什麽也不抱怨。
我的日子，在過去的3年來，在卑利街，在我650尺的"joyce is not here"裏，之後擴展到對面，再大一些的“fresco". 中間有一條卑利街，向上通到堅道，下可到皇后大道中。
我的日子，在我愛的人們的喜怒哀樂中，我的客人結婚，離婚，有小孩子，有男朋友，再分手，生病，去度假...一個人來，同情人來，再同舊情人來，第一次約會，或同一大幫人來...來借酒消愁，來慶祝生日，來讀詩，來看電影...我寫著寫著，在流眼淚，那麽多感人的夜晚，我都在這裡，同你們分享。
我的日子，就是這麽流逝著。
我沒有任何的抱怨，儘管人生是充滿了感傷。
December 19, 2007
there is a emotion, called " touched"---有一種情感，叫做感動
I don't often write nowadays, but my heart is still full of emotions, as always. Many tiny things seem to hinder my desire to write, but my heart, it never stops feeling...
A SURGE OF EMOTION...
We went to see Dayo Wong's comedy show last night, it was unbelievable, just amazing. We laughed for 3 hours and felt surprised by the easy, friendly atmosphere. During the taxi ride back, I was still feeling touched by a show that combined philisophic, humanistic, and hi-tech entertainment. < More trouble, More happiness! > Dayo Wong, filled me with happiness and touched me at the same time...
A few hours later, heading home and in the taxi again, the driver suddenly put on the old song <Under the Lion Rock> by Roman. It was such familiar melody and I was touched by the lyrics: "In our lives, we all have happiness and sadness, but how lucky we are to have met each other under this Lion Rock...". I was still singing even while I took shower, that's why I am writing the article about feeling <touched>.
A few days ago, my mom gave me some information about a new movie by Feng Xiao-Gang called <Assembly>, 47 lives wasted to write a several years long song of war. The movie was full of unhappy greyness and depressed ashes. The director concentrated on the real audio effects to match the war background, he tried to create a realistic war movie not only including the courageous parts, but also the human side of war. I was touched, by those 15 pages of prints, and I felt great sincerity from him.
And, more friends are leaving...I'm not sure if it's for forever, or not. But what defines "forever", as Dayo Wong said "How long is FOREVER? If you add one year or deduct a year, is that still FOREVER???"
However, they are really leaving. My heart, it doesn't really feel sad...but it was touched ...it was touched by those no-good-byes partings, and those imposible see-you-again's...my friends, you know where I am and I wish you a good trip...a trip for vacation or a trip for life...
Then, another year...is gone again...
"joyce is not here" a cozy place like home is going into its final two years and the new gathering spot "peel fresco music lounge" feels so far from all those neon lights.
My design career is passing into another brilliant year. But the sad thing is, all those new born projects, have passed.
Before I could enter my site everyday, the dusty site, with its kind workers, but now they are all gone. Now I need to press the door bell to enter and all the workers are gone. There is no dust, no noise. Such a perfect project has been added to my profolio, but it just means another ending---
Goodbye to my clients, goodbye to my workers, goodbye to my sites, goodbye my always dusty view, goodbye to all the bothersome noise. Longing, the feeling of longing, building up and being reborn. But I love the memories, I miss all of those memories and I was so deeply touched, by all of those daily occurences...
Love, its another sad thing. My lover, who knows nothing about Chinese Culture, in fact seems to laugh at my rich cultural background. I am looking at that very kind but uncommunicable face. I only blame myself, that's why I love to being alone sometimes...to keep some space so I need not to explain to him. I am here, in this empty house, to sing, to dance...
There is a emotion, called "touched"...I have been, always am touched. Such a warm emotion, filling my heart, pushing me and pulling me. Not only bringing me to tears, but also letting me smile and shout. The year 2008, is coming to me in such a mess of disorganized thoughts, and it carries me into another unknown moment...
written on Dec.19, 2007, 4am.
疏於持筆，情卻始然，雖為瑣事久滯的思緒揮灑，但心，一直在那裏澎湃。
澎湃。
今晚觀賞了黃子華的棟篤笑，精彩的不敢相信。大笑三個小時，我驚訝於全場的互動。回來的TAXI裏，我感動著，感動香港竟然還擁有如此縝密的思緒，貫通哲理，人文，高科技，與娛樂的一場準備，《越大鑊，越快樂〉，黃子華，快樂著我，亦感動著我。
歸家時，又是TAXI, 狇的放起了羅文的老歌《獅子山下〉，“人生中有歡喜, 難免亦常有淚,我們大家，在獅子
前幾天，媽媽給了我馮小剛導演新片的介紹，《 集結號〉，47個壯烈的生命，一首幾十年的悲歌，灰蒙蒙的調子，導演用心去講如何去創造逼真的音響，如何配合完美的背景，如何去拍一套觸動人心的真正的戰爭片，我心感動，沉浸於那幾十頁灰灰沉沉的圖畫中，感受著，一份厚實的誠意。
又有一些好朋友，要走了。不知是不是永遠，如黃子華講“永遠有多遠？永遠減一年，或加一年，還是永遠么？“
但他們是真的走了。我的心，麻木著，但亦感動著。感動著那些不經意的離別，和那些也許永遠實現不了的相見。
又一年，流逝了。“JOYCE IS NOT HERE", 如家一般的情懷，進入倒數的兩年，新的聚焦點“FRESCO"，在紅塵中仿佛離我那般遙遠。
設計的事業，輝煌中又是一年，傷感的只是，那些作品的誕生，便是離別。從前可以每天去看看的骯髒地盤，熟絡的師傅，早已遠去。如今，進大門需要按門鈡。師傅們不見了，沒有塵土，沒有噪音，漂漂亮亮的一個作品，加在我的作品集裏，卻又是一次離別，告別我的客人，我的師傅，我的工地，我的塵土飛揚的視野，我的喧擾嘈雜的聲浪，寂寞，滿滿的堆積著，是下一次的萌發，但，我念舊。而且，我會被過程感動。
情感，亦是一種遺憾. 枕邊人，對中國文化的茫然無知，似在嘲笑我豐盛的文化底蘊。望住那邊無法溝通的善良面孔，有的，是深深的自責。不小心，便造就的如此的陰錯陽差，不知是傷感抑或是感動，我常常會獨處，保留那片別人不可理解的空地，而我在此，歌唱與舞蹈。
有一種情感，叫做感動。我便，時常被感動。一種情懷，暖暖的縂於心間，推攘我，湧動我，帶出的不僅是淚，亦笑，亦高聲叫，2008年，在這些紛亂無章的念頭中走近，引來我人生，又一個未知的華年......
2007年12月19日淩晨4時
September 26, 2007
23年前的吻
記憶裏許多往事，都執著的不想記起，極致的多情便是無情，卻在中秋月圓之夜，收到第一個男友的越洋短信：
“還記得23年前今夜的初吻麽？”
我的心，在那一刻停頓了。
我記得。
多少次的不想再見到他，多少次不去觸及任何有關昨日的回憶，卻因短短的幾個字，把我打垮， 擊碎，物是人非，他於溫哥華的晴朗一日，我這裡是卑利街月圓時鄰里的幾段粵曲正在高歌。數月來的辛苦疲累，一整日的會議與煩惱，在這個似乎已經麻木的夜晚，因這幾個23年前的零星故事，帶給我一絲喘息：
我愛過的人們，別來無恙…
是的，我記得那些吻，我記得我經歷的每一個人，我記得那些溫柔的撫摸，我記得交織成我生命的每一段戀曲。儘管我有時任性有時冷酷有時荒唐有時麻木，儘管我懶散的不去想與不去聯絡任何一個經歷的人，但我會記得。
我，並不是你所想象的如此健忘記，我沉默，不是我無感覺，我不去想，不是我會忘記。
但我是變得越來越麻木了，愛，在我的心裏，變得很少很少。我甚至不想去感受與被感染，我把自己變成個麻木的運轉的輪，去盡一切我要盡的責任，然後，不知何時，我就會消失，但功德圓滿的一日。
愛，很遙遠。23年， 很久很久了，上一次心動，距今已是整年，我孤獨的行走，在衆人的簇擁中，在人們的呵護裏，但是，感覺到心， 已經由雙腳，雙腿，滿滿的向上方無知覺，我卻在那裏？
健波，感謝你，23年後的問候，月月年年的殷情，厚重的如海浪，把我一絲一毫的擊倒，但那個怯懦的小女孩早已走遠，等待她的，或是綿綿長長的思憶，和著點點滴滴的愛的思語。
美好的情緒，我想念你，及每一個你們。
August 27, 2007
my motherland
Spent a very meaningful night with mom. We went to enjoy the choral concert <the long march suite> by Beijing Military Art Troupe.
Haven't been touched like this in a long long time...
We had the National Class One Standing conductor leading the entire concert;
We had the internationally renown pianist Mr. Liu Shi Kun preform his Piano Solo, <The Yellow River Piano Concerto>;
We Had Mr. Warren Mok, who is also a world-renowned tenor do his Solo;
We had more than 200 performers;
We had 2 hours of singing all those familiar songs that influenced me since I was a child;
We had the Mass Choir of the entire hall, more than a thousands people, sing < Pearl of the Orient>...
Many people cried, tears out of control because of such old memories and the songs that recall our old days;
All of us held our breathe because of this performance...lighting effects, stage layout, performance attitudes, beautiful voices, passionate conducting, all shocked us...
Even though I can't play anything, I could feel my heart beating to each note;
Even though I was in the back role and couldn't see very well, I felt that I was almost on the stage singing with them;
Even though I am Canadian, but I so much miss my motherland, China, the place where I was raised and the place that brought me many many pure loves of this world...
I stood there, sang and shouted with 1000s of people:
"me and my motherland
Can never be apart
wherever I go
there is a song in my heart
I sing of every mountain
I sing of every river
the winding chimney smoke, the small villages
the track on the road
Me and my motherland
Are like a wave and the sea
the wave is the child of the sea
the sea is the home of the wave
My dearest motherland
you are the sea that would never run dry
Forever you would sing me the limpid songs of your waters and waves"
August 13, 2007
WHITE-Basil Racuk
"Marijuana, la felicidad"I'm not a pot smoker, but I appreciate the sentiment. "Marijuana, the pleasure". This is the song wafting through the stereo as I write these words. It's 4:30 p.m., Sunday. We've been in Greece for a week and I'm here to tell you: I'm red.
Not a fire engine red. Not tomato red. Not even bar tan red. It's the red of an almost 42 year old, bay area man that doesn't ever go in the sun red. One way ticket to melanoma red.
It's also a red that I'd like to believe "it's gonna turn into a tan" red, when the reality is that it will end up more a dyed ostrich skin red.
You can always tell a place by the animals on the street. Here in Santorini, cats and dogs are everywhere. Well-fed and very social. As I write, there's a huge doberman pinscher lying next to me, a bid smile on it's face, wagging it's tail.
This morning at sunrise I felt something jump on the bed. A little cat had jumped through our window and decided that he wanted to sleep with us, He went to sleep, waking up with us a few hours later. While we sat on our terrace later that morning, he was curled up on the floor between us, resting.
I like the idea of animals being communal. Everyone here feeds and gives them attention, and because of this they all get on well with people, as well as with each other. That said, I somehow feel as though I'm cheating on Fred, our cat at home.
A breeze blows from the southeast, up and over Oia, the town that we're staying in. Out on the water, between town and the volcano, a freighter makes its way around a series of small, barren islands. These islands were once part of a single land mass, but broke off and submerged after the volcanic eruption of 1450 b.c. From where I sit, they feel temporary, these islands. As though they could be moved out of the way with a sweep of the hand.
We've moved apartments, and are now at the Caldera (Volcano), a series of stand-alone villas perched on the edge of town. I spent the afternoon listening to tango on my Ipod, looking out at the sea. A french woman in a tres plus chic Cavalli bikini laid next to me, spread out on a lounge chair, reading Calvino en francais. An italian couple laying next to her, holding hands. Good tans, better gold.
On my fourth day on Santorini, I feel it more Key West- simple. Sure, it's overrun with with tourists. Yes, there are to many tschotzke shops. But I'm sitting here in my favorite cafe, and there's only one other customer, chatting away with the guy working behind the bar.
B is already setting up plans for our return next year. Are you in?
Furhter lines from my first missive:
"Inland, miles inland-
A little girl stops her play
And listens, just listens.
She thinks she hears the ocean.
She thinks she hears the beat of the swimmer.
And dreams, just dreams."
Crash, hiss.
Crash, hiss.
The swimmer floats, his arms meet the ocean. I look out, they meet the water, over and over, continually changing from air to water. The sun, the blue, the great beyond- and those arms; they are here, they are ours.
I'm looking at us in the near future, sand and surf.
Ruins. ( )-polis of all kinds. Lonely landscapes that once were not. "All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream." Thus spoke Poe, and thus I speak for him, as the repetition for him has ended.
B and I will be in Greece from tomorrow. We'll have limited e-mail access, but will be sure to send messages over the course of that time (rest assured that you'll all be receiving a few patched together cocktail napkins worth of thoughts and encounters, by and by).
In the meantime, feel free to cobble together your own thoughts and requests (what would a request look like, anyway? A mind's eye snapshot that is tailored just for you? A request to set one stone on top of another, on a parched hilltop? A piece of glass, scavenged from the edge of some forgotten ruin (Acropolis="High City" in Greek, I've just learned).
BLUE-Basil Racuk
and the Aegean. How has it stayed this way forever...I sat by the pool today looking out at the water and realized that mythology makes sense to a writer here...particularly as you see a sailboat cruising by.
Yves Klein blue. IKB. When I discovered Yves Klein (not literally, but for myself), it was the IKB series that knocked me out. I hadn't visited Greece yet. When I finally made it here, of course I came to understand what he was projecting with the saturation. Not royal blue, not turquoise....perhaps veering towards cobalt. This is the color of the Aegean. Sitting down near one of the harbours this evening, watching the young boys with a simple mask and air tube fishing for calamari (successfully), Greece makes sense. Simplicity, and function. Good philosophy, good design. What else do we need?
Santorini is everything that you imagine...with more kids. And honey-mooners. And tee-shirts. And the hokey guitar/keyboard player/singer that is jamming across the way from the internet cafe. Yes, he has a ponytail.
August 06, 2007
love writing
My love for writing started when I was 7-year-old.
At first I used Chinese, the most beautiful language in the world. But when I jumped out into the bigger world, I needed to write in English.
Sometimes I feel stressed because I can’t express myself as nicely as when I use Chinese. All the sparkling and brilliant ideas in my presentations can’t be expressed to people very well if I use English.
But, I am trying.
The language might not be the same but the spirit is easily shared with my friends…the great thoughts and wisdom of a soul can be released through other tools like one's eyes, hands or body language.
Whether in Chinese or in English, I love writing. And I love the atmosphere when I write. I believe that many friends understand this feeling:
To sit in the silence and peace, with dim night lighting or bright sunshine, having a glass of whatever (wine and tea are my favorites). Let your beautiful mind swim in the universe, touch all the dreams and follow the path of life. Let’s not only express ourselves, let’s complete ourselves as well.
From the process of writing, we can discover more about the world and ourselves. We grow up from it or we are destroyed by it---destroying the old self and build up a new image.
Sometimes I feel writing is like an old friend, but one that you definitely don’t need to look after all the time and one that won’t forget you. He is always in your heart and you can talk to him even if you are very busy. And he is like a locker that you can save all your new thoughts and emotions in and open up when you would like to meet them again.
He won’t betray you and he won’t leave you. You might feel that it’s a bit difficult to talk to him if you don’t use him for a while, but just take a few minutes and he will be like your old friend,and with all that typing all those words will come out again…From the fresh night air and lovely jasmine smell of the tea cup…That friend just stands there and waits for your embrace. Only through his body can we express our hearts.
Love writing, and love all the people who are in the writing industry. Even if we are sinking in a fancy world of parties all the time, we can still find time to be alone and find this clean land where we can write about everything… We are calmly dancing on the ground. All the rhythms are not only from our steps, but also from our active brain. We can be the most sensitive person and we can be strong too, because we have a silent old friend that we carry with us all the time.
Love writing, a gift from God!
July 17, 2007
Are you my friend?
It’s 2:03 am and I’m writing alone as usual.
Another friend is leaving in a few hours, I’m always getting emails about discount tickets, people moving around because of all these good offers, but friend, have you ever known the pain in my heart caused from your leaving?
This bar is like a little serai. But I am not only here to serve you a bottle of beer, sometimes I am also giving you my heart! I don’t just talk to you when you are here, sometimes I also think of you during long nights. I drink, not only to enjoy that bitter taste I also want to forget what I don’t want remember!
Friends, if you are my friends, please don’t tell me that “I will be back” bullshit, TELL ME THE TRUTH, because I am going to trust what I hear and I am going to wait!
If you are my friend, please come back to visit me or at least write me because I do remember all of the faces of the people that I’ve met in this little place and it is not that easy for me to replace your faces in my memory!
If you are my friend, please treat yourself good! I can’t look after you when you are so far away so you need to be a good boy or a good girl!
Yes these two years many people have told me “I will be back”, but they haven’t. I don’t know whether they were just trying to be polite or not, but for certain people, I am waiting…
Yes, I am waiting!
Believe me I know the pains of this life and I am doing my best to overcome these, and I know you are lost sometimes and can’t find your direction, but don’t tell me a lie if you can’t come back. Because I will be like a little innocent girl dreaming here and trying to remember all those moments we were together…
If you are my friend, you should know that love is never enough and tears are never wasted. So I have never stopped myself from crying. Just like this moment, I am crying in my little bar because a friend is leaving. Maybe he has never known this as a visitor, but for me;
He is my friend, Keith McMullen...
June 15, 2007
I will bring you back to the ocean
The following words I am writing for my friend Ellick, who just passed away in the hospital 2 hours ago...
Waited for long time, a year perhaps? I wasted the whole of May, and then I met you.
I held your hand, I kissed you. And after, I was left looking for 1000 excuses to keep me away from that hospital.
I don't want to remember what I saw, I just want to forget, forget our meeting and everything else. But I can't forget what you promised me, you will go to see the ocean with me, you will go to my home with me, as my home is ocean. You lay on the bed in room 528, you smiled to me and even teased me.
The ocean is big enough, Ellick!
She will love you truly, just like I love you.
She will sew a curtain to keep you away from the storm
She will carve down your thoughts on her waves
She will let you float on a sail
And set you free in the sky, where you can reach the clouds, see the land, and me.
I am still on this land, I can't visit you now because I still have islands. But one day, waves will come down and the whole world will sink, then I will raise my hands, I am here Ellick, so please answer me wherever you are.. and you will reach me because you promised me that you will come home with me!!!
I will remember you, but only your handsome face
I will remember you, but only your strong body
Not the things I saw in the hospital, that just was not you!
I will be happy, just like I tried to since the last time I visited you. I didn't cry until this minute, Ellick! I don't want to see you leaving, you didn't inform me so the timing was not right. I am waiting for you to tell me next time. Even if you will only appear at night, I will always wait for you, to count the sunset's steps.
As you promised me, go to the ocean with me. Years in heaven for you, are just like a day here for me.
http://mr6.plumeflowers.com/update_news_200706.html
等了很久，一年，之後，5月，夏季乍到，我便揮霍掉了...
我握住你的手，吻你，之後，我走了，沒有回頭，並為自己找了藉口，不再回頭...
我不想記住我唯一可以記住的你的痛苦的抽搐。我想忘記，就像忘記我們的相遇，但我記起，記起你同我去看海，隨我囘我的家。我笑著督你：“快點好番，同你去看海！”你躺在病床上，氣促的調笑我。
海很大， 蒼茫， Ellick，她也會愛你，如我般愛你，她會為你織夏天的薄沙，搭冬夜的棚帳，她會為你刻思緒的碑文，撫昂首的帆，她會托起你，浮游在雲與海面的空間，你可看到陸地，可看到我，我尚在陸地，沙的邊緣，我不能此時去看你，因爲我還有島嶼，有一天，潮落又漲，一切被浸沒，我高舉起手臂，Ellick, 我在這裡，答應我，你會迅速的回應我，印度洋，好望角，或是珊瑚下，雲天外，你會拉住我，因爲你答應過我，隨我回家！！！
我會記住你，我記住你英偉的樣子 記住你卓越的身姿，我不要記起醫院裏我見到的，正如我不讓你看到我哭的樣子。我很快樂，那次一別，我努力快樂著。我也不要看到你的離去，你都沒有通知我，這次不算，我等著下次，在海的故鄉，即使你祉現於夜晚的海面，我也要守護到天明，陪你賞朝露，數落紅 。
你答應過我，去看海，囘我的故鄉，等著我，天堂的日子，月月年年，我在人間，只一瞬間...
May 16, 2007
tomorrow will be another day
I believe that all of you must experience a period in which you do not want to do anything...you feel hopeless about your life and you don't have any motivation to keep things going...Sometimes its called "depression".
I had my period of depression for about 4 or 5 days and then this afternoon I decided to pull myself out of that situation. It wasn't because I had nothing to do, it was just because I had and I will have too many things to do...and each thing I do, I want to be perfect, so I have been so depressed since last weekend...
I don't really want to describe how I spent those days but I have gotten better now since I read an article about volunteers working in India. A few famous actresses from Hong Kong went to India and stayed in a first-aid shelter to help cancer patients before they die...They accompanied them during the last days of their poor life...
All the bullshit we complain about here compared to their problems, those people who are suffering everyday...We are upset because we might've broken up with our lovers...or we might've made a few dollars less. Look at those people, they are fighting for their lives even though they don't know whether or not they will live to see another day. We are here, in Hong Kong, the stock and real estate markets are starting to going crazy and helping us make a lot of money and we don't have to worry about our next meal, we have plenty of clothes to choose from and we just have to worry about whether they are pretty or not...we have so many cosmetic brands to choose from and only need to think about whether or not it's a famous brand...
I read that article and I felt ashamed of myself...Life is so easy and happy in Hong Kong but I am depressed just because of a lot of work...
I paste this photo here to remind me, there is another side of the world to reflect on and show us how lucky we are...God is supposed to be fair but he has given us a lot. To allow me to stand here and write in my blog and drink good wine, chatting with a house full of good friends...
If one day, god will take all of those things away from me, then I will become a member of one of those volunteer groups, living for other people's lives, being happy with other's gain and suffering with them...
Hope, it depends on how much you value your target...Happiness, it depends on how satisfied you are with yourself...Tomorrow will be another day and we are one of the luckiest group of people in this world.
May 09, 2007
bring him back to the ocean
http://mr6.plumeflowers.com/article9.html
http://mr6.plumeflowers.com/article10.html
是時候了，我等了很久，皮膚，乾涸似老樹的枝幹，旅行袋懶洋洋就躺在門廳裏，電話，坐在那兒，無聲無息。
我平靜的收拾著行裝，確定所有的賬單都已付清，確定愛我的人都已忘記，確認再沒有什麽多餘的掛牽，我望住蒼白的墻，鏡框裏我童年的模樣。照相片的人在世界的另一個角落等我，而我，也不需要耽擱了...我對他說：
“走吧”
他沒有異議，扶住墻，瘦弱的身體似乎顫了顫，但那個靈魂，卻筆直的早已在等候。
海，就在不遠處。
我，將會帶他去看海。
（寫於2007年5月9日早上5：34，未完待續）
April 25, 2007
beautiful words to share...
"Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have with ered. 
Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Some-thing in your eyes,whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down,tears surge out.
Hot summer.Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world of band. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind,cool and killing.Smile floating on the lemonade,soft and smooth.How I was? amazed.Your face looked like the cover of the magazine.My head spin. You led my hand,danced along the crazy theme.
Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance,laughing covered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking.You stoodthere, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, centerer than the light. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were togeth-er.
Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at the Alps side.We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to ac-company your flight. Gone was the plane,I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid,you were in my heart, I shouldn’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your disappointment. I made be-lieve sometime someday,I would tell you, I feel all the same.
My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly in-dulged in your promise of the white land --snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell!
The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swal-lowed by the darkness.How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out,catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.
Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together. "
"此处寒兮，彼处亦寒。
枯叶凋零兮，君当何人属欤？
君面惨淡忧郁兮，相看带笑泪眼。
君热泪盈盈复喃喃喁唧兮，别亦难。
沉落兮，泪涌似涛自难抑。
当忆酷夏兮，鸡尾酒会欢娱。
君执妾手兮，沉醉于二人世界里。
君坐妾之侧兮，髻发高束；英姿勃发兮，酷毙。
笑逐颜开兮，温润如玉。
讶君之面兮，再世吕布周郎。
心荡漾兮，手为君执；和曲起舞兮，癫狂。
灯盏相辉兮，芳雅相应；祝辞笑浪起伏兮，芸芸相送急。
君且立一旁兮，美目探妾。
妾莹灯下伫立兮，心动不已。
感帝之杰作兮，使妾沉迷。虽与君相隔远兮,心心相近。
旧日已逝兮，如梦。
会当临于阿尔卑斯山侧兮，滑雪于雪花飞舞之穹下。
欲说还休兮，惟祈安康。
航机渐逝兮，妾心将苦。
深知妾之愚钝兮，然君已窃妾心；妾当不可漠然兮，黯然彷徨。
妾亦尝忘君兮，恐失之交臂。
信有时兮，告君心迹。
挣于忏悔兮，退缩犹豫。
愚于处子之婚盟兮，窃纵意于君之诺。白雪皑皑兮，君挽妾身；妾意甚欢兮，聆圣诞钟鸣。
然钟声忽止于急雨兮，但闻撒旦之欢声笑语。
含泪倩笑兮，吞泯于暗黑。
欲将君之发揾君之泪兮，可欤？伸手所触兮，惟一叶飘零一滴飘洒。观积雪融兮，叹与君各在天涯。 "
-by Fan, Yong
April 22, 2007
joke
Our Chef Pavel always likes to tell jokes...some jokes aren't that funny but we really like his performance when he's telling a joke, so we still give him applause...
Tonight I feel like I am the female version of Pavel because I keep telling jokes...Wilson and Jon just look at me without any reaction when I finish my jokes but I can't help just laughing at them by myself...even though my lips hurt (I don't know why but not because of the oral work, like my friend teased me about) so it causes a lot of pain and it might give me an asymmetric mouth-shape but I don't care. For example, I had spring rolls tonight and it hurt a lot when I ate them. I told Guy Cirino that I had a "painful but tasty dinner", then Guy asked me why I didn't just order soup, "No! I can die for a good dinner, so who cares about the pain!!!"
Yes, there's a lot of fun in this boring life...and I always laugh more and more and enjoy each day. All of my friends and even customers say that I am too special. I'm not really sure whether that is a compliment or not but today I asked Guy Cirino:
"Maybe I am the only one awake and normal and all of the others are still sleeping but they're still laughing at me."
As Thomas said to me, it is very easy for me to find a lot of fun in life so it affects the people around me, and they feel my happiness and energy. But it doesn't mean I don't understand the pain. Big pain makes for big enjoyment---it's the release after you find out the real meaning of life itself.
Like I told my friends about my funeral...Yes I know no one can really wants to think about that but here on my own blog I want to announce to everyone the details of my funeral:
There will be a big party!
First Money, from my insurance which I started investing in 20 years ago. Please spend it all for my funeral and please don't save, don't use fake stuff and please respect copyrights!! That's why I ONLY buy original CDs and DVDs.
Second, theme! Please don't cry! Heaven doesn't need tears my friends...I need dancing and singing...
Third please make sure the colour of your clothes matches!!! I really hate people who don't care about that sort of thing!
Of course next I need good food at my funeral!!! Good food means real food, real cheese, sugar and chocolate, even if it makes us fat. But that "fat" is a gift from god, so let's just accept it!!!
I don't know who will organize my funeral, I suppose it just depends who will be my last lover. But please don't remember me after that party! Life always has more new hopes so please keep going and move on. I hate people who stop in one moment and don't move on!!!!
Then the ending of my funeral, turn off all the lights and extinguish the candlelight, but keep the music on...All the guests will leave in darkness. Leave me alone with only some music and I won't feel all the sadness in my friends departure. I will fly away into the music...
So of course I need to pay some good money to the musician, Steve hi to you, as one of my EXs I hope that you can play for me and stay longer hahaha!
Is it another joke tonight? Who knows!!!
April 16, 2007
another...
Another long and sleepless night, after almost 22 hours of working...the sun rises...7:51am, the whole world will wake up soon, but I am going to sleep...good bye, the early morning dew...good bye...
April 14, 2007
約定
<for brother Huai-Min>
疾走 因生命太短
歌 因夜靜 舞 因旋律亂
愛紅酒 似夕陽血 少少便醉了
夜 亦醉了
此生 承受太多情 愛的負債 然後感慨
感慨 夜太脆弱 琴絃斷 感慨太平山的無奈 感慨將來
我飛快， 心卻如白紙一樣安寧
我停歇， 身體卻似生了翅膀的精靈
一靜一動 一張一弛 怎逃得過你的眼睛？
我記得那約定 我品味 餘香尚在
而生活的負荷，把記憶點點滲沒，
如此刻，2：47的午夜， 思念
如水一樣， 把世界變成海洋
我寧願倚在潮濕的空氣裏
讓肢體慢慢的融化掉 在那片咸澀中
我 找尋著自己
April 13, 2007
Life is like a cup of coffee-from my friend Alfonso
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor.
Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - Porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of many problems and stress.
Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And, then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this:
Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."
God brews the coffee, not the cups. Enjoy your coffee!
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
April 08, 2007
life used to be so hard, now it is easy because of you.....
12:29 just passed midnight, musician Jim's birthday...they are singing here together...one sentence really touches me:
"life used to be so hard, now it is easy because of you..."
Such a soft melody warms me...yes life is hard but it is fine every time I thought of him...maybe we just need someone to accompany us to get through all of this...
today and tomorrow I am the one who will do all the brunch cooking here...because Pavel went on vacation, so I need to get back my cooking pans that I passed to him half a year ago...
suddenly I thought of Marc, my friend who taught me everything...I remembered what he said: "only joyce can catch all my cooking skills in this house...I never worry about her..." Yes, I love cooking, it is in my blood...I love to see people's happy faces after they taste my food...beautiful food and beautiful hearts are the combination I am looking for always... 
The photo on the right is called "Chorizo" which I cooked this afternoon...
And the photo below is the one Wilson created tonight...we had nothing left in the kitchen so he came up with this...the sauce was a great mix of apple, ginger and wasabi...
how nice life could be...tasty foods and drinks, tender music, lovely people and the sweet thoughts of the person we miss...
do we still need more?
April 03, 2007
The pain of the design process
I know this will be another sleepless night...
Dealing with design is the same as dealing with a relationship...I didn't have any ideas at the beginning...clients, they are like strangers...they all like different things, from Victorian Style to Surrealism...It made me so depressed and I didn't even want to start the preparation for my presentation until the last minute...I told myself :"Joyce, you need motivation for your work...you've spent 4 years and studied really hard to achieve your dream..."
Then I struggled and struggled and after 5 hours I felt that the 'baby' was there...my baby...I couldn't imagine it before, I wasn't sure what color her hair was but now it seems she is kicking and pushing me...Inspiration is the waves that pull me up...3:00 in the morning, I don't need coffee or an energy drink...I am in the ocean of creation...
I feel that sunshine is slipping into this dark little place to brighten my heart...I can see that white house next to the beach...my lover is waiting for me outside on the balcony...breakfast is just ready and the music is on...
God, when I finally found my direction for this presentation, a new day had just started...
April 02, 2007
tears
無論再艱難，崎嶇，會忍住淚。要快樂，要堅強，要高歌，起舞，要放聲笑，即使無人懂，天上星星，水中浮游的月，外婆的眼睛，追隨我......這許多年，經萬千事，無法改變的，除卻夢想，還有自己。
April 2， 23:40, 緊緊的不讓淚水流下來......
爲了多年前的那份執著......天下著雨，濕的，還有我心......
March 28, 2007
Bon Voyage
He is leaving...to Iraq.
I found out about this yesterday. No reason to ask him"why" as he is a reporter, but I wish that I could go with him.
This afternoon I finished watching the movie <Gloomy Sunday> while I was in the gym. I looked like a crazy lady letting my tears cover my face but I didn't care about the attention from other people. Suddenly, I felt that I understood him. Now I'm putting the song <Gloomy Sunday> on, its echo fills every inch of this bar...Maybe there isn't any connections between his leaving and "gloomy sunday" but, I just want to write:
In this world, there is something more important than our own issues.
Now I am standing on Peel St., the bumpy concrete road beneath my feet...I am looking up at such a grey sky, visible between the gaps in between the buildings...I feel that my heart, or our hearts, shouldn't just belong to one or two people, we belong to the world...I feel that our body, shouldn't only contain our own gains and losses...and our life, shouldn't only consist of the physical condition...we are not that shallow and narrow-minded...we are the world.
Feeling sensitive, because of other people's happimess or sadness...touched, because of a rainbow's brilliance. Sharing coins with beggers after you've had a wonderful meal...Helping others with your best effort, never caring what they give back to you...I feel that I am in this world, not only for myself or for the people around me, I also belong to strangers, to the people of the world that I haven't even met yet...Like <Gloomy Sunday>, there was just a love story between three loving people at the beginning but soon it turned into the most meaningful tale, for music, for country and for dignity...
I know when he comes back, his heart will be big enough to contain all. He will have the wings when he sails...I know beautiful people like him, will become angels...angels that are born from battle-smoke... His smile will be so charming as to wipe away all the sorrows of yesterday...for better or for worst...he will be a new person.
And I am too...how can I find a big enough container to put my heart in? How can I find an arm that's wide enough to hold all of my loves? How can I find the sky that's blue enough to let my wings spread out and allow me to fly. We ourselves are just a little stone in this universe. Dead and alive, an eternity and a day, all in one minute like you've never felt before. So, let's embrace the whole world!!!
Attached is the song <gloomy sunday> and the lyrics of this song.
http://www.ting33.com/playsong/22792.htm
Sunday is gloomy
the hours are slumberless
dearest, the shadows
I live with are numberless
Little white flowers
will never awaken you
not where the dark coach
of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought
of ever returning you
would they be angry
if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy is Sunday
with shadows I spend it all
my heart and I
have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be prayers
and candles are lit I know
let them not weep
let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream
for in death I'm caressing you
with the last breath of my soul
I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday
Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
in the deep of my heart here
Darling, I hope
that my dream hasn't haunted you
my heart is telling you
how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
March 26, 2007
finally you've lost me...你終於失去了我...
"Finally you’ve lost me,
in this crowded world..."
The last Monday in March, after 18 hours of sleep in mom’s cozy home, I remembered this song. There’s no sadness at all, my heart is full of soft feelings. I was ever loving, ever caring, ever devoted, ever thinking that time will solve all diffculties, but now, just letting it all go…
“Let it go”, such a sweet sentence.
We always feel it’s difficult to let things go, because of that we then seem to get more hurt by each other. How many beautiful stories, turn to bad just because we “won’t let it go”, become ugly because of those unavoidable thoughts.
“let it go, go with the wind”, even life can end so easily, so love should be just as easy to let go of…
I am so thankful for all the moments that I was ever burning and blooming! Flowers are pretty because they will wilt in a day, fire is passionate because it will soon be extinguished. There is no forever, only many short beautiful moments, to make our lives longer…
Because of the sincerity we have shown, the winter this year in Hong Kong was so warm, isn't that enough?
"你終於失去了我，
三月最後的星期一，18小時在母親小巧而溫暖小屋的獨眠後，出租車上，我想起了這首歌。一絲悲哀也沒有，心中卻是快樂的悠柔----曾愛過，曾在乎過，曾真心過，曾天真的以爲時間會解決一切，曾不想去解釋，就算了。
“就算了“，好一句溫柔的話，生活中我們不曾放手，換得的總是兩敗俱傷，多少美麗的情感，都是因爲不肯接受“就算了“，變得索求而醜惡。隨風去吧，生命使然，何況人與人的相遇。
我是心懷感激，一生燃燒並怒放。花嬌艷，因爲會凋謝；火熾熱，因爲亦熄。無永恒，美麗的皆是須臾，無數須臾的短暫，促就綿長的一生。
這年香港的冬天，因爲真摯的情感，變得格外溫暖，還不夠嗎？
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