I don't often write nowadays, but my heart is still full of emotions, as always. Many tiny things seem to hinder my desire to write, but my heart, it never stops feeling...
A SURGE OF EMOTION...
We went to see Dayo Wong's comedy show last night, it was unbelievable, just amazing. We laughed for 3 hours and felt surprised by the easy, friendly atmosphere. During the taxi ride back, I was still feeling touched by a show that combined philisophic, humanistic, and hi-tech entertainment. < More trouble, More happiness! > Dayo Wong, filled me with happiness and touched me at the same time...
A few hours later, heading home and in the taxi again, the driver suddenly put on the old song <Under the Lion Rock> by Roman. It was such familiar melody and I was touched by the lyrics: "In our lives, we all have happiness and sadness, but how lucky we are to have met each other under this Lion Rock...". I was still singing even while I took shower, that's why I am writing the article about feeling <touched>.
A few days ago, my mom gave me some information about a new movie by Feng Xiao-Gang called <Assembly>, 47 lives wasted to write a several years long song of war. The movie was full of unhappy greyness and depressed ashes. The director concentrated on the real audio effects to match the war background, he tried to create a realistic war movie not only including the courageous parts, but also the human side of war. I was touched, by those 15 pages of prints, and I felt great sincerity from him.
And, more friends are leaving...I'm not sure if it's for forever, or not. But what defines "forever", as Dayo Wong said "How long is FOREVER? If you add one year or deduct a year, is that still FOREVER???"
However, they are really leaving. My heart, it doesn't really feel sad...but it was touched ...it was touched by those no-good-byes partings, and those imposible see-you-again's...my friends, you know where I am and I wish you a good trip...a trip for vacation or a trip for life...
Then, another year...is gone again...
"joyce is not here" a cozy place like home is going into its final two years and the new gathering spot "peel fresco music lounge" feels so far from all those neon lights.
My design career is passing into another brilliant year. But the sad thing is, all those new born projects, have passed.
Before I could enter my site everyday, the dusty site, with its kind workers, but now they are all gone. Now I need to press the door bell to enter and all the workers are gone. There is no dust, no noise. Such a perfect project has been added to my profolio, but it just means another ending---
Goodbye to my clients, goodbye to my workers, goodbye to my sites, goodbye my always dusty view, goodbye to all the bothersome noise. Longing, the feeling of longing, building up and being reborn. But I love the memories, I miss all of those memories and I was so deeply touched, by all of those daily occurences...
Love, its another sad thing. My lover, who knows nothing about Chinese Culture, in fact seems to laugh at my rich cultural background. I am looking at that very kind but uncommunicable face. I only blame myself, that's why I love to being alone sometimes...to keep some space so I need not to explain to him. I am here, in this empty house, to sing, to dance...
There is a emotion, called "touched"...I have been, always am touched. Such a warm emotion, filling my heart, pushing me and pulling me. Not only bringing me to tears, but also letting me smile and shout. The year 2008, is coming to me in such a mess of disorganized thoughts, and it carries me into another unknown moment...
written on Dec.19, 2007, 4am.
疏於持筆，情卻始然，雖為瑣事久滯的思緒揮灑，但心，一直在那裏澎湃。
澎湃。
今晚觀賞了黃子華的棟篤笑，精彩的不敢相信。大笑三個小時，我驚訝於全場的互動。回來的TAXI裏，我感動著，感動香港竟然還擁有如此縝密的思緒，貫通哲理，人文，高科技，與娛樂的一場準備，《越大鑊，越快樂〉，黃子華，快樂著我，亦感動著我。
歸家時，又是TAXI, 狇的放起了羅文的老歌《獅子山下〉，“人生中有歡喜, 難免亦常有淚,我們大家，在獅子
前幾天，媽媽給了我馮小剛導演新片的介紹，《 集結號〉，47個壯烈的生命，一首幾十年的悲歌，灰蒙蒙的調子，導演用心去講如何去創造逼真的音響，如何配合完美的背景，如何去拍一套觸動人心的真正的戰爭片，我心感動，沉浸於那幾十頁灰灰沉沉的圖畫中，感受著，一份厚實的誠意。
又有一些好朋友，要走了。不知是不是永遠，如黃子華講“永遠有多遠？永遠減一年，或加一年，還是永遠么？“
但他們是真的走了。我的心，麻木著，但亦感動著。感動著那些不經意的離別，和那些也許永遠實現不了的相見。
又一年，流逝了。“JOYCE IS NOT HERE", 如家一般的情懷，進入倒數的兩年，新的聚焦點“FRESCO"，在紅塵中仿佛離我那般遙遠。
設計的事業，輝煌中又是一年，傷感的只是，那些作品的誕生，便是離別。從前可以每天去看看的骯髒地盤，熟絡的師傅，早已遠去。如今，進大門需要按門鈡。師傅們不見了，沒有塵土，沒有噪音，漂漂亮亮的一個作品，加在我的作品集裏，卻又是一次離別，告別我的客人，我的師傅，我的工地，我的塵土飛揚的視野，我的喧擾嘈雜的聲浪，寂寞，滿滿的堆積著，是下一次的萌發，但，我念舊。而且，我會被過程感動。
情感，亦是一種遺憾. 枕邊人，對中國文化的茫然無知，似在嘲笑我豐盛的文化底蘊。望住那邊無法溝通的善良面孔，有的，是深深的自責。不小心，便造就的如此的陰錯陽差，不知是傷感抑或是感動，我常常會獨處，保留那片別人不可理解的空地，而我在此，歌唱與舞蹈。
有一種情感，叫做感動。我便，時常被感動。一種情懷，暖暖的縂於心間，推攘我，湧動我，帶出的不僅是淚，亦笑，亦高聲叫，2008年，在這些紛亂無章的念頭中走近，引來我人生，又一個未知的華年......
2007年12月19日淩晨4時
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